Coffee, My Voice and Babybottoms...Essentials To Your Day

Him...

2011-11-30T05:11:00.001-05:00

I read something the other day about a couple that split because the depression was too much for one of them to deal with. It made me think about my spiral into the anxiety filled depression after I had my daughter.

I was experiencing things I had no idea how to deal with. He never left though. I tried to break up with him at least once a week for six months. He stayed. The days I would just stare out the window, he was there to take care of The Bug. Those days when I could barely manage to pull myself out of the bed, he was there to cook, clean, and lay with me. He smiled and hugged me everyday…even on those highly volatile days.

We fought, yelled, cursed, and screamed. He never left though.

Everyday was filled with hugs, kisses, and words of encouragement.

“We will get through this together. You didn’t leave me when things got tough for me. I’m not going anywhere. If we have to yell, curse, and fight everyday, I will be here to get you through this.”

So when someone pulls a Kim K. on the person they supposedly love so much, I wonder just how much they really loved them. It IS difficult but if ALL of us just want to be loved, why wouldn’t love be enough here?

Before my post partum nightmare, I would often describe him as the most selfish person I had ever met. His selfishness, due to being an only child. The time, emotional strength, and sacrifices he made to stay by my side are priceless though. Sometimes I feel like I owe my life to him because if I had been alone, The Bug might not have a mommy right now.

When I felt like I had no one to understand, it was him who helped me without any judgment. Our relationship might not be the conventional, traditional portrait that others are used to but it works for us. I would not have wanted to experience this with anyone other than him.

The most selfish person in my world turned out to be the most giving…he solidified a spot in my heart and life that was a revolving door. He encompassed what I have always believed a best friend should be. He loved me when I was at my most unlovable.

While people grow apart everyday, THIS is why no one could ever take his place. Regardless of us staying in a romantic relationship, he will always be the greatest love of my life…

Vulnerability

2011-09-04T07:41:00.002-04:00

It is something I HATE working on but I still do it.

I do not like intentionally letting people know what hurts me the most. Being taken advantage of is not the business. However, I do not build walls to see who will tear them down. I would be expecting far more from others than I would be giving.

It is not fair for me to punish people who WANT to know me because someone else did not amount to shit. I have grown to accept that it IS a part of life. People come and go. Learning how to let go is sometimes the difficult part. Not, refusing to feel. That is only a mind game we play with ourselves.

We eventually lose and that is when it hurts even more. That game will wear anyone out. Leaving us in a “why me” state of mind. Why you? Why not? Sometimes we get these thoughts in our heads that we are above normal human being stuff. I attribute it mainly to ego.

How we bounce back from effed up shat and people, is the determining factor of how well we deal with LIFE. There are some things I have not bounced back from. I acknowledge them when they come up. One day, I will get over them. Until then, I allow myself vulnerable moments. I write.

Life...and Where It Is Taking Me

2011-05-09T09:06:00.000-04:00

I said that I was going to do better about posting to this blog...it hasn't happened yet. I spend SO much time on tumblr that I forget to update Blogger. There is a certain level of calm on that website that I no longer felt I had over here. There are several people who I KNOW have access to this blog so that is why I don't post here as frequently anymore. Sometimes I want to just get things off of my chest, free of judgment from those I care about. I wanted to write freely without everyone and their mama thinking I was writing about THEM.

However, since I am making MORE of a conscious effort to make certain life adjustments, I am choosing to get over that shat. There are some things that I changed about myself, in an effort to get along better with those I loved and called "friend". However, those adjustments were made for people who weren't too willing to do the same. I have a TOTALLY different perspective when it comes to...humanity.

My initial views might have come across as me being naive and gullible. I'm a person who operates on face value, most of the time. However, there are a LOT of people who leave a LOT of things "hidden" about themselves. I've never believed that I should have to dig you out of your shell. Either you're going to be your TRUE self around me, or you're not. If it comes to my attention that you're a fraud at life, then you have to go. My tolerance for humankind has limits now....

That tolerance is not in reference to personal life choices people make. That tolerance is in reference to how much I will let slide, AS IT PERTAINS TO HOW I AM TREATED. I don't desire to be around adults that behave like children. Since we ARE adults, I will expect EVERYONE who CHOOSES to interact with me, TO ACT LIKE IT. If you can't, that's fine. We just won't be close. And...no one is grandfathered in. I don't care if we have been cool for 15 years...when the tantrums, brattiness, and selfishness appears, I'm saying something IMMEDIATELY. If someone doesn't like it, too bad; we don't have to stay friends.

Life has ALWAYS taken me on some GREAT adventures. Some of them have been invigorating and enjoyable, while others have seemed like pages out of Dante's Inferno. Either way, they have ALL been learning experiences. I feel like I've matured in certain areas where I don't have to KEEP learning the same thing. I got it, it's all good, and it's time to learn some new shat.

I'm currently looking forward to processing different things AND people. So here's to life and where it's taking me!

about Amber and Ann...

2011-02-25T09:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I sat down and talked to two other mothers who experienced Post Partum Depression and Post Partum Anxiety. We talked for almost 2 hours about the women we were before pregnancy, the women we became after having the baby, and the women we wanted to ultimately become. The entire time I talked to them, I could not help feeling a slight tinge of sadness that I had to find comfort from the ears of strangers…versus those who I had grown close to over the years.

It felt good to REALLY know that there are some women who have gone through EXACTLY what I have experienced in the last couple of years. I have read several accounts of women with PPD and my mother shared her experience with me. However, these women were sitting right across from me…and this has made a huge difference. They never assumed I was going to kill my daughter or that I even harbored those feelings. They were compassionate and empathetic. It was more of a relief and it actually helped.

This morning, a young lady tweeted how we are taught to take care of ourselves physically but most of us are not taught anything in regards to mental health. It is very true in my case.

I can still hear my father telling me, “No one really likes a stupid girl so that is why intelligence is so important.” So being smart was his focus. My mother was intent on teaching me all of the things that would allow me to be a good mate to someone one day (cooking, cleaning, submission, etc.). In the midst of ALL that teaching, never once did my parents teach me or my siblings how to deal with our “demons”. I honestly believe it was because they did not how to deal with their own.

After talking to Amber and Ann, it solidified my decision to educate my daughter about mental health. Just as eating McDonald’s everyday will ultimately lead to debilitating health, so will not releasing her emotions in a healthy way. I was taught not to cry, even when I was in physical pain. This taught me how to have a high tolerance to physical pain. I adopted the same attitude when it came to my mental health too…because my parents were not too keen on fully discussing how we felt either. At 31, I know that this has not helped me AT ALL.

Listening to Amber and Ann express how important it was for their children to be okay with how they felt, let me know I am not the only parent who obsesses about wanting the best, ACROSS THE BOARD, for their child. I do not want my daughter to ever feel like she has no one to go to. My parents live thousands of miles from me, as do my siblings. Pooda’s other grandparents live in another state and her father has no siblings. So sometimes it IS just us three. We are all we got. I never want her to forget that either…

Our friends are not always there for us when we need them the most and that is when you realize, sometimes you are more of a friend to other people than they are a friend to you. There is a quote that says, in summary, if you cannot deal with me at my worst, then you do not deserve me at my best. Every time I have tried to talk with someone I THOUGHT was close to me and they give off the vibe that this is not the conversation they want to have, I remember that quote. From the outside looking in, I might not appear to be “at my worst” but mentally, I know I am.

If we are REAL friends, you should at least have the balls to say “hey, I don’t know how to respond to this”. Completely brushing it off as if it is of no concern though? That lets me know where we stand. I have never desired to have friends who are not FULLY supportive so this shedding period has probably been long past due. We all want different things out of friendships but this is essential for me. Talking to Amber and Ann gave me the necessary clarity to just move the fuck on and away from these people.

They might be perfect friends to someone else but it is time for me to let go. I would say it is nothing personal but…it is. I am at a different place in life right now and I need people around me that understand that. If they do not want to see me walk away, they will communicate like the adults they are. If their level of comfort is more important, THAT, I will not take personal. How could I when my level of comfort is SO important right now?

Amber is about to have her second son and she gave me the assurance I have been trying to swallow…it DOES get better. She said I might not walk away from this with EVERYTHING I desire but you cannot have it all. I knew that because logically, how could you not? But when it comes to how you FEEL, logic sometimes gets thrown out of the window. Sure it is easy to say “GET THE FUCK OVER IT!” but it is not that easy to do. MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS CHANGED…in two years. One day people will fully grasp that…

I was making good money at my job, driving the vehicle of my dreams, eating out whenever and wherever I wanted, taking trips out of town, picking up entire tabs when me and my friends would go out, buying clothes/shoes whenever I wanted, dating whoever I wanted, and other stuff that made my life SEEM grand.

ALL of that has changed…I am living the COMPLETE opposite of EVERYTHING I mentioned above. Anyone who says it is not that serious…is delusional. I had been independent for 13 years; moved out at 16 yrs old and been taking care of myself since then. There was no going back and forth to my parents financially or emotionally. So imagine what having to depend on someone else NOW would do to someone…while I have this tiny person who needs 100% of me. Yes, there is someone else going through a more terrible ordeal than I but the flip side to that is, there is someone else experiencing a better life than what I am living. Sorrow, pain, and adversity is all relative….

ALL pain feels the same…it hurts…regardless of it being a knife wound or a gun shot.

I will never downplay anyones anguish…so please do not downplay mine. If you cannot deal, just go away. We will both be better off.

So here is to improved mental health :-D

about MY postpartum depression...

2011-02-09T07:51:00.000-05:00

I had a great doctor that looked out for me while I was pregnant. She could sense things about me and my pregnancy without me ever saying anything. It was uncomfortable for someone I barely knew to be so empathetic to what I was going through. I passed it off as her just doing her job and being good at it.

She always asked me how I felt about my pregnancy and I gave her very vague responses because…I did not know her. Every visit though, she would tell me that if I needed to talk about ANYTHING, she was there and to just call her. I had a pretty complicated pregnancy too; my daughter was 100% fine the entire time though.

However, my body was not adjusting because of other things that were going. Anytime I would call her about the complications though, she would call me back within 5-10 minutes…no matter how small the complication was. Several times she called me just to check on me. During those times, she would always ask if I was okay and if I needed to talk. Of course because I did not really know her, I always said, “I’m good but thanks for asking”.

After I had the baby, I had to take this test to see if I was headed down the road of postpartum depression. I tucked the test away because I figured if I did not focus on that, it would not happen. She repeatedly asked if I took the test and I finally did. I lied on the test because…I was embarrassed. As I sit here typing, I wish I had not.

She asked me several times after the test if I had been honest and I lied every single time.

I figured, back then, that maybe this depression thing was all in mind, no pun intended. Any time I mentioned it to someone I always got the same responses:

you’re better than that
you’re not really depressed
you’re strong enough to get over that
oh please!

The only people who actually took my concerns seriously were two people who were thousands of miles away from me…my mother and my sister. I have never missed them so much. This is not something I can deal with over the phone or through an email. I need my mother and my sister….

I think that some people see who I was before my daughter and think that I should automatically have stayed that way. Having a child is a HUGE life changing experience and if a simulation existed that could allow people to even relate a little bit, I would suggest EVERYONE test it out. I thought I was strong enough to withstand anything…but I am not.

I wish the people I was closest to understood this…it is not an act. It is not a cry for attention. It is my life and I do not want to keep feeling like this every day but…I do. I worry about my daughter all the time because I just want to be a good mother to her but I feel other things too. It is a neverending cycle that I sometimes sit and attempt to solve…but I do not think straight all the time. A large portion of my daily thoughts are how and what I can do to MAKE myself end this.

Asking for help from people who do not understand this is sometimes like speaking Spanish to someone who only hears English. Some people genuinely feel there is nothing they can do to help someone in this state.

I look at my daughter and see how independent she is and it pains me. She does not even like anyone to hold her hand…much like me. I just want her to know that it is okay to ask for help and KEEP asking until you get what you need. I did not KEEP asking for help and it put me in this predicament. Now, when I ask for help, it is not received well and I am misunderstood. Maybe I am not conveying my thoughts as well as I once did but I am actively trying.

ALL of this is new to me…this level of depression…having to depend on someone else…giving up my freedom…raising this tiny, wonderful person who just wants to learn everything from me…and I feel like I have very little to teach her sometimes. It is taking some time for me to adjust and there are days I sit and just pray for help…

I guess the good that can come out of this is…whoever cannot deal with me at my worst will fade out of my life. My only hope is that the people who claim to love me the most, stick with me while I make my way through this.

trying not to neglect blogger anymore...

2011-02-03T04:55:00.000-05:00

I intended to come back and post on Blogger but I have a love/hate relationship with it.

There are a lot of things/people I have been separating myself from since Babybottoms was conceived. Accepting that people you once cared for, do not have your best interest at heart...hurts.

But...moving forward...I am back to submerging myself in my writing. I am in my 30's now and one day closer to my goals I had dreamed up in my 20's. I have had some MAJOR, difficult life changes; some things I have had a constant battle with every day...other things I have grasped and never looked back.

I am grateful for ALL of the life experiences I have had in the last two years. It has started the process of filtering I was putting off for a while now. The things I attempted to change, thinking it was going to make me a better person, I found out are the things I need to keep the same.

I have just been living :)

So now, I am moving forward, living my life to the best of my ability. They say your 30's are supposed to be fun so that is what I am looking forward to. Spending my days with people who matter...with those who love me and my little family UNCONDITIONALLY. I know that is not an easy task to take on for ANYONE because it requires patience and learning every day. However, this is the stage of life I am at and I am excited to get to my future :)

about love...

2010-12-17T10:20:00.000-05:00

I posted this on my tumblr earlier this week but I figured this would be a good blog to break my Blogger Sabbatical with. Enjoy and comment as much as you like :)

There are tons of individuals looking for love, day in and day out. I am truly amazed at how many search for love when the basis for it is in the same book they herald as the gospel.

So, I was a little shocked to see Reverend Run say, “What is love??? Love is like a rumor. Ppl talk about it„ but no1 truly knows 4 sure”. Being a reverend, who believes in the Bible, I would have thought he would have used this opportunity to tell people what love REALLY is about. He IS married to a woman he loves…right?

The Bible pulls no punches about WHAT love is though.

“Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” - 1 Cor. 13:4-8a (New World Translation)

Even if you do not use the Bible as a point of reference, many of us have been at that same point where we were frustrated with love…because we were experiencing all the things it was not. So, if you can decipher what love IS NOT, you should be able to understand what IT IS. However, what I have seen is a lot of people so focused on making sure the other person involved abides by the rules of love, that they do not practice it themselves.

At some point we have all wanted to be loved or to love someone we felt was special. If someone asked me what love was, I would be able to tell them because I love myself and that is where it always starts. Maybe that is the real issue…maybe some of us feel we do not really KNOW love because we have not mastered love of self before we try to love and be loved by someone else. I would never claim that loving anyone is easy as breathing but if you are looking for it, you cannot do it selfishly and it requires A LOT of patience.

So no, love is not like a rumor, where people talk about it but they do not know for sure. People KNOW…they just might not want to do everything it takes to actually experience what it really is. Maybe if some people were more honest with themselves about who they are, they could see that.

P. S. - Reverend Run has 1,660,087 people following him that he tweeted that quoted statement above, to. I sincerely hope that those who respect what he has to say also have the ability to think for themselves. Everything that people of influence tells us, is not always accurate.

My Self Imposed Sabbatical

2010-09-24T18:19:00.000-04:00

I am taking a break from other people for the next 90 days.

What I mean by that is, I will be focusing on me and my needs before anyone elses (other than Babybottoms). I have been putting it off for a good year now and my efforts to do it previously were half assed. I don't want to engage in other people's issues/problems...I only want to be concerned about what pertains to me. That sounds mean and callous but it isn't. As a friend, I tend to take on too much in regards to my friends/family and their emotional needs...I refuse to do it anymore. Just as they concern themselves with THEIR problems, I need to follow suit and worry ONLY, about me. I no longer want to carry anyone elses burden, even if it is JUST listening to their drama. I don't want to hear it; it isn't benefiting me and no one is offering me any money to play therapist. So...I am not interacting with anyone on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook...or Blogger.

This is day 1 of 90 and I am replying to some people in regards to "where are you going". I'm not "going" anywhere. I just need some time to MYSELF. I figure, if the man I live with can give me 90 days to sort through some necessary things, surely everyone else can, right? And if they/you can't, we probably needed to go our separate ways anyway. This was not brought on by anyone in particular so there is no blame to cast.

I will be updating other things, like Babybottoms blog and my fitness blog but that is about it. These are a couple things that my time will be focused on and in order for me to move forward with my goals, I will write about them. I want to come back refreshed, renewed, and rejuvenated (all those words kind of mean the same but so what...it sounded good in my mind). I encourage anyone who needs a break and can take one, to do so. See you on Day 91 if you're still around! :)

She'll Be One Soon!

2010-09-19T15:25:00.001-04:00

Can you believe Babybottoms is going to be ONE YEAR OLD on 9/27? Twelve months sure did zoom by! She's maturing at a pretty quick pace and being doggedly independent (much like her ma). My baby is still a baby but fighting me every day to be a big girl. No one is more proud of her than me and her father.

So, with that being said, I know there are some people who have grown close to her and want to share her first full year of life with her on her special day. However, we are not throwing her a birthday. This is in no way a reflection of what we feel you should do with your child. For one, we aren't really big "birthday" people and...Babybottoms is turning ONE...not 13, 16, 21, or 30. What happens on 9/27/10, she will forget all about when she wakes up on 9/28/10. With that being the case, we just wanted to spend that day with her...by ourselves.

Is that asking too much? I mean, not only is it affordable but it would mean more to us. When she came into this world, it was just me and daddy there. So until she expresses that she wants a party, which will probably be once she starts making friends, it'll more than likely just be us 3. Before anyone starts giving all the reasons as to WHY we should have a party, don't. I've heard all of those reasons since the moment I started telling people I was pregnant.

I just feel like...you're allowed to throw your kid a big, expensive, extravagant party and you don't want anyone telling you that you're wasting money so...let us do our thing over here. Each family operates differently; children can't miss something they've never had. I have no problem with children having parties and if my friends invited me to their kids event, I would more than likely come. I just don't like being made to feel like "because everyone does it" is why I should do it. No, we're not mean ass parents who don't want Logan to have any fun. We just do things differently.

I mean, people are acting like I'm committing a sin before God because I haven't prepared a party, sent out invitations, and registered her for gifts. Everyone who claims to be important to our family should know her birthday and if they don't, they can ask. If they want to get her a gift for her birthday, they can. We aren't opposed to that either. We're just not having a party. What is so difficult to understand about that?

So for anyone who cares to know...my baby girl will be ONE, next Monday. Feel free to wish her another happy year of life :)

About Taylor Swift

2010-09-16T05:52:00.000-04:00

*sigh* my people, my people...when are we going to stop taking up for people simply because we like them? If right is right and wrong is wrong, why would you totally disregard the fact that Kanye jumping on the stage to speak his mind INAPPROPRIATELY is UNACCEPTABLE? I don't give a damn if it was some bum on the street giving a speech at the VMA's...people need to KNOW their place and stay in it.

I mean, seriously, are you going to tell me that if we were at a ceremony and you were awarded something that I PERSONALLY felt should have gone to someone else, it is okay for me to INTERRUPT your "shine time" to state MY OPINION? Because contrary to what any of the blind sycophants want to say, THAT WAS KANYE'S OPINION. But it is alright because it is Kanye? All of you who think that, are full of shat and if your child EVER makes valedictorian, I will make it my personal business to ruin their day when they graduate from high school and college. My opinion should matter too, right? WRONG

If we want to talk about what she DESERVED, who are YOU OR KANYE to say she didn't deserve it? Yes, I wrote about this last year when it happened but the level of ignorance that ran through my timeline when the VMA's aired this year disturbed me. It showed me that for certain celebrities AND to blend in with "the cool kids", people will cosign on f*cking foolishness. Seriously, who actually knows what Taylor Swift has accomplished? For those of you who think that Kanye "made her career", read below. F*cking clowns...

at 14 years of age, she became the youngest person EVER to be signed as a professional songwriter at Sony/ATV Publishing; she signed her first deal before she could drive
at 17, she became the youngest person to single-handedly write and sing a #1 country hit entirely on her own
since 11/2008 her album, FEARLESS, has spent more weeks at #1 on Billboard's ALL-GENRE Top 200 chart THAN ANY OTHER ALBUM THIS DECADE and helped sell more albums in 2008 and 2009 than any other artist, in any genre of music
she is the FIRST country artist IN THE HISTORY OF SOUNDSCAN to have NOT ONE, BUT TWO SINGLES reach #1 on the Pop Chart
her FEARLESS Tour sold out every show in minutes, INCLUDING EVERY SEAT IN MADISON SQUARE GARDEN...in 60 seconds
she is the FIRST country artist to receive a "Moon Man" award
the first artist to receive the Academy of Country Music's "Crystal Milestone Award" was Garth Brooks; she is the second
she is the youngest artist to EVER win the 2009 American Music Award for Artist of the Year, and the 2009 CMA Award for Entertainer of the Year
FEARLESS has reached Gold and Platinum status in 14 countries spanning 5 continents

Do you know how old she is as of today? Taylor Swift is 20 years old. Do the math. She didn't NEED Kanye to boost her career; she was well on her way. Music has been HER LIFE...just like the woman Kanye FELT should have gotten the award.

The BIG issue I have with all of these f*ck ass opinions in regards to her being immature and childish by writing a song that was assumed to be about Kanye is...NO ONE COMPLAINS ABOUT THESE DUMB ASS RAPPERS DOING THE SAME THING. If we're even going to call this a diss track, Hit Em Up and Ether are ALWAYS being heralded as two of THE BEST diss tracks EVER recorded. But she gets called immature...right. You all make SO much sense. Also, it was immature for her to retaliate against someone who obviously didn't care enough to give a f*ck in the first place? Yeah, a year later isn't my style but this gets filed under cause and effect folks. Go ahead and say it...it's because she sings country music that she isn't allowed to write diss tracks. Why are you paying attention to the genre of music she excels in now? You didn't give two flying f*cks about that when you were busy attributing her success to a man too arrogant to realize he needed to have some tact and keep his ass in his seat during an awards ceremony.

So no, Kanye didn't say what EVERYONE else was thinking. He said what YOU were thinking because YOU either didn't know ANYTHING about her accomplishments or...you're just biased as f*ck and give certain people passes to act an ass.

I see people complain and rant about others being too lazy to use the internet for this and that...yet I heard nor saw anyone do ANY research on Taylor. You don't have to care about her or the genre of music she sells but at least be respectful and stop talking out the side of your damn neck. You wouldn't want anyone downplaying your life accomplishments and I can guarantee that EVERYONE reading this has not done ANYTHING even remotely as impressive as what she did at 14...myself included.

Have some respect people...that's all I'm saying. RESPECT THE CRAFT...and other people's hard work.

You Ain't About That Beyonce Life. Sit Down.

2010-09-07T09:30:00.001-04:00

I am probably one the most honest Beyonce fans alive and it is because I am not offended by the fact that she is manufactured. If you say that out loud in a room full of her psycho stans though, you are liable to catch a hate crime kind of beat down. Let us be serious for a second though…are you going to tell me that she was not created to appease the mass appeal for glamour?

Do not lie to yourself and think otherwise.

I have been a Beyonce Gisselle fan since she uttered her first “No, No, No”. I have 2 copies of EVERY Destiny’s Child cd, as well as, her solo projects. When her mother was doing her hair and styling her wardrobe, I was part of her loyal fan base. I HATED a lot of those outfits and her hair? Let us just say, I am thankful she took that full-time job from her mother and gave it to someone else. She did not always have that style women/girls covet today. What we see today was necessary in order to retain a fan base that actually spends money.

If you are REALLY a fan you should know a little about someone you obsess over, right? So about her husband…considering her family and how she was raised do you really think that she would date someone with Shawn Carter’s REAL history, if she was a normie? I do not know too many women TODAY who would WILLINGLY date a man who tells the world that he used to sell cocaine and that is basically how he started his empire. Most women are too afraid of that lifestyle to deal with men like that…but THAT is her husband. Even though she does not speak much on her dating history, we know this is the man she has allowed the media to attach her to for the last 10 years. She also does not acknowledge any former boyfriends. So does anyone else really count? No.

Pooda Bear’s dad and I have technically been with each other for the last 4 years. We are CONSTANTLY being barraged by family about when we are going to get married. Who in the f*ck rushed Beyonce and Shawn? They have been involved with each other in some “close” capacity for a LONG ASS TIME. Her life might not really be what you want, dears. I do not know too many women who would do 4 years like me, let alone the 8 years Bey went through before Shawn DECIDED to put a ring on it.

However, so MANY girls/women listen to Put A Ring On It and because Beyonce said to MAKE him do it, men are being “bullied” into settling down. Be realistic. If that was your random, nobody ass friend telling you to make him settle down if he really wants you and her dude did not wife her up for 8 years, you would give her a side eye. Mentally, you would have told her all kinds of shut the f*ck ups AND disregarded her advice. But because it is Beyonce…you listen and apply.

I think a lot of girls/women get sucked into the glamour of WHO she is. Often, it is forgotten that some of the things she does are more so career moves…not necessarily what she would do if she was a “regular” woman working a simple 9-5 in Texas. This is where the problem enters for all the normies. You can definitely aspire to be Beyonce/Sasha but if you think for one second you can maintain any sense of normalcy to your life, you are wrong.

Guys get a bad rap for trying to emulate these rap stars but I look at it no different than women who sit around listening to Beyonce all day. While some of her lyrics MIGHT really be part of her life, a lot of it is created to entertain the public. Honestly, could you really deal with her life? Just like her husband is cut from a different cloth, so is she. Beyonce could probably get on Twitter right now and rant about something Shawn has done to piss her off. Does she? No because she is not about THAT life…which is probably more similar to your normal ass life. She has a brand/image to protect and doing typical women things would be a distraction to HER main goal…getting that guap.

Some people say her alter ego is some bullsh*t and that is who she REALLY is. I definitely think there is a part of her psyche that likes the freeness Sasha allows her but it is believable that she might really be shy. Hollywood will eat you up and spit you out if you have a docile demeanor. They constantly want you to prove you deserve to be where you are in the limelight. When she wakes up, before one foot comes out of that bed, she has to accept that her life is not normal. Being Sasha could be more of a coping mechanism than anyone realizes.

However, aren’t we normal people told that being someone in one setting and being a totally different person with other people is two-faced? You see why this behavior could only work with a celebrity? My whole point in writing this is to say do not get sucked up in these peoples lives. They are paid to entertain you and I. They can no longer live the life we have and we could not possibly live their life, unless we had money. When you become famous, your priorities change. You have to decide if you want the fame, money, and intrusiveness that comes with that territory…or if you want to go back to the simple life.

If you choose that life, there are LOTS of things you have to let go of. You see, no one is interested in me today because I am no one to them…and neither are you. If by chance, I woke up tomorrow with my face on the cover of Vogue, Elle, People, and US and $100 million in my bank account, EVERYTHING would have to change. I instantly become one of the most interesting people in the world.

Whatever you want in life, you must prepare for that BEFORE you get it. I think a lot of people disregard all that “training” Beyonce did before actually “getting on”. It was preparation for the life she lives today. Granted, I am sure there are some things that came as a total surprise to her but her ability to adjust while being in the public eye is impeccable. I admire her because she keeps her eye on the prize WHILE doing something she loves. She has distractions just like the rest of us because she is human but HOW she deals with them is a trait we could all learn from.

So, the next time you listen to one of her songs, see her on a red carpet, or wish you had her relationship, remember, there is always a trade off…her life is no more perfect than yours or mine. She just has money…and if money was not everything, why would you even want to be her? Something to think about...

She's Not Cute. Why Is He With Her?

2010-09-02T11:27:00.000-04:00

Many people are guilty of looking at a relationship and if one of the people are not what we deem as attractive, rhetorically asking, "Ugh! Why is he even with her?" I am sure some men do this too but for the most part, you hear women say it, as if being "pretty" is the only reason someone could possibly BE with someone else. I have said it before but I know better than to REALLY believe this is the only reason a man could possibly love and marry a woman. Sometimes the most successful relationships are with people who aren't beauty queens or stunning charmers. People who don't spend ALL of their free time on "looking good" have time to work on other endearing, everlasting qualities like AND...their personalities.

When I have said it, I can honestly say I was joking because I know better. However, I am beginning to think that some women are dead ass serious when making this statement. It makes me a little concerned. I see all of these blogs, tweets, articles, etc. written about women having problems finding men. Could it be because your focus is on the wrong thing? If you are over 25 and looking to get into a serious relationship, whether you are male or female, your main concern should be how someone is going to treat you. I think it should be a big concern if you are under 25 but most people in that age bracket aren't trying to settle down with one person so your relationship priorities tend to be different.

Seriously, if your biggest concern is "why is he with her? she's fat/ugly/can't dress/etc", you might not need to be in a relationship at all. Could it be that he actually loves her? Isn't that what's most important? I hear and see so many people CLAIM they want a man/woman but what they are projecting doesn't say that. It says "I want someone to show off to my family and friends". As you mature, you find out that having a "trophy" for a relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be. That's some high school shat.
If you're an outsider looking in, there is a plethora of things you'll never be privy to that makes those two people think the world of each other. I wish people would get that. This quick blog was prompted by the recent antics of Mr. Clifford Harris. Everyone has an opinion (myself included) about his recent f*ckery from last night. In the midst of all the monkey chatter, some people mentioned that he needed drugs to deal with his ugly ass wife. Really? 1) what does her level of attraction have to do with their overall stupidity and 2) stick to the topic; they've been together for damn near 10 years, if he was really tripping off how she looks, he would have been gave her the boot. Apparently, he isn't as shallow as you baby pool wading muthasuckas.

Just Pray?

2010-08-30T11:53:00.001-04:00

The topics of "prayer", "being guided by God/Jesus", and "faith" have continuously resurfaced in my conversations with others. Some people have attempted to start conversations about this through email, others have lightly touched on it through face to face interaction. It is usually the older, more religious individuals that I have heard THE most ridiculous "advice" from in regards to living your life "appropriately". Granted, there are a few blinded people my age who have allowed other blind people to lead them but that is neither here nor there.

I understand that people need things to anchor them to their beliefs but to be illogical about life itself? That's foolishness to me. Within the last two weeks I have read/heard the following:

if you were living the life God wanted you to live, you would have a job by now
the recession isn't real; you should pray more, that will improve your financial situation
the Bible says (insert misquoted scripture here) and if you're doing contrary, that is where your problems lie
let go and let God, that's ALL you have to do; you haven't put your problems in God's hands and that's why things are this way for you
blah, blah, blah, maybe you just aren't trying hard enough

Honestly, how does anyone think this is going to help someone? The truth is, bad things happen to good people EVERYDAY, regardless of their religious affiliation OR how many times they pray a day. I don't know any religion that advocates praying more than Muslims and look at what is happening over in the Middle East...where they pray all day, every day. So explain that idiots. Wait, I'm sure some non-Muslim is going to say that they aren't serving the RIGHT God and that is why they are experiencing "difficulties".

Seriously, what would all of these people do without religion? What would be your life anchor? What would you tell people they need to do to achieve better life results? Would you be able to offer ANY advice worth listening to? Probably not because ALL of the advice they have to give is attached to a scripture or a religious belief. This is retarded to me because any adult human being should be able to be uplifting, regardless of their beliefs.

You can't just pray EVERYTHING away. I don't want anyone interpreting anything I've written here as me not believing in God. Don't ever do that, please. I believe in a higher being just as much as the next person. I just believe that sometimes people allow their BELIEFS to make them say stupid shat to other people. If you have time to dissect someone elses life in an effort to tell them what they're doing wrong, have you done the same to yourself? Most of the time, the main people telling someone else they need to get their life right with God have the biggest rafters floating in their eye. If you read the Bible, you'll recognize that reference. I'm just tired of people separating sins and having a pile of their own that they set off to the side because they aren't "as bad" as what someone else is doing.

All of these people know judging others is wrong as two left shoes but they still do it...especially when something isn't going according to their plan in life. However, if you REALLY believed that God/Jesus has already designed a plan for each and every one of us, what are you getting upset for in the first place? If you TRULY believed in the same shat you're trying to force down other people's throats, anything good OR bad that happens to you was in God's plan. Right? Or does that not apply to you? Just other people? Oh ok.

This is how I look at life and I've looked at it like this since I was about 10 years old...we can play semantics all day but I believe we all have our destiny's. Whether we choose to embrace them is an entirely different thing. God gave us free will and what kind of entity would he be to get upset with us for ACTUALLY exercising it? Would you really serve someone who tells you that you have a choice and then smack you when you choose what you want?

Free will is about choosing what YOU want to do with YOUR life. Say you want to lose a certain amount of weight within a year. Would you JUST pray to God every day to lose that weight? According to the above logic, that's ALL you have to do is pray it away! So sit on your ass and God is going to make it happen for you BECAUSE your wish is his command. Really? If you believe this you're clearly delusional. It takes work on your part; continuous, hard work IN THE GYM (or however else you intend to shed the weight). However, THIS is what some people want others to believe. I call bullshat. We all have to work hard for ANYTHING we want, in addition to whatever religious beliefs we also subscribe to.

Bottom line is, if I am REALLY living my life all that wrong and EVERYTHING in the Bible is the truth, God will deal with me as he sees fit...he'll also deal with you too.

Ironically, Jay-Z's song Pray came on as I was about to hit "Publish Post".

What's Your Deal Breakers?

2010-08-26T11:16:00.001-04:00

The thing I LOVE the most about Babybottoms dad is that I learn something new about him every day. You would think after 4 years of constantly being in each others face, this would get old but he manages to stay interesting to me. It is a feat not accomplished by many men and I am very grateful for it. I don't think that he stays interesting specifically for me...he just happens to be an intriguing guy. Kinda like the Dos Equis guy...

Moving on, because this isn't about him...we got on the topic of household finances the other day and he interrupted our discussion to tell me something that completely turns him off to some women. In the 4 years that I have known him, I only viewed it as a personal preference of his but he made it VERY clear that any interest he might have had will die when he hears certain words. Thankfully, it isn't anything I would EVER say or do, so I'm safe.

But it got me to thinking...what are some deal breakers as far as my relationships go? I know EVERYONE has them but it is interesting to actually hear other people's. So that's what this blog is about. What are your deal breakers? I'll go first :)

DEAL BREAKERS

having no ambition

I would never break up with someone because they lost their job. I would never NOT date anyone because they don't have A job. However, I will shoot you the deuces if you aren't going anywhere in life and there are no evident signs that you even want to do better. To me, that translates into laziness. Even the most lamest of lames have goals and if a guy has NONE that he is working towards, I can't fool with him. If you start out appearing to have ambition and you lose it along the way, I'm out. Sounds mean but some guys bounce if their chick gains 2 lbs. This is FAR more serious than a 2 lb weight gain.

being a horrible liar

If you've been reading my blog for a while, I am sure you are well aware of my stance on liars. I despise them, especially those who lie about stupid shat. As I have gotten older, my tolerance for liars has shifted. If you put some creative spin on a lie and can master manipulating and mindf*cking someone, I still think you might be a douchebag but it tells me you have a skill. In the business world, this is an appreciated attribute. Just don't try to use it on me. Horrible liars don't retrace their steps properly, end up causing FAR more damage than telling the truth would have and just irritate the hell out of me. Being lied to without finesse is insulting to me. If you're gonna lie, at least get me to believe it, jackass.

trying to change me

NEWSFLASH: I will NEVER change for you.

I am a firm believer in "take me as I am". If you don't like something about me, it's ok. I'm not in the least bit offended. Everything isn't for everybody. However, don't try to play me like you're all enthralled with all things Syn and then when you have me trapped in a "relationship", want to sit down and have a talk. Talk about what? The answer is NO. Yes, before you can even get anything out...if it has to do with something that was the same when you decided you wanted more than a friendship, that becomes YOUR problem. If I decide to change, it will ALWAYS be on my terms. Is that unfair? No, because I accepted you and I have NEVER dated ANYONE who was perfect. He might have thought so in his mind but he probably is STILL sadly mistaken.

whining

Just something about a man who whines...does absolutely nothing for me but make me want to smack him in the face with a belt, Pooty Tang style. My mother's side of the family has whining BAD and most of the women have little girl voices so imagine how irritating that is. My dad NEVER gave us anything if we whined for it. Sometimes I think that was his way of feeling some sense of comfort about punishing someone for whining, since he couldn't punish my mom. I have grown to hate it as much as him. Seriously though, I feel it isn't masculine at all and I might try to rearrange your voicebox in your sleep if you think it's cool to whine. In order to stay out of jail, I'll just tell you "this isn't working". You don't have to be in the hospital and I don't have to be incarcerated. It works for both of us.

But enough about me...what are YOUR deal breakers? :)

It Was All Good Just A Week Ago...

2010-08-24T05:07:00.000-04:00

Some friendships do last 'forever' and I don't think anyone enters any friendship thinking to themselves, "oh, I'm only going to tolerate this mofo for a year and then I'm on to the next one". When friendships fizzle, both parties go through their moments of wondering what went wrong. Some people blame the other person 100% for the loss, others blame themselves. Then there are those who take the "reason, season" approach; they appreciate the time they did have and easily move on and away from said friend to go experience friendship with someone else.

From what I have observed, the friendships that hurt the most when you lose them are those that were actually built on what you believed to be a sturdy foundation because you'd been friends for SO long. There is this misconception that just because you are close enough to label one another "best friend" that you ALWAYS have to be in that persons life. You don't. Things fall apart sometimes and close friends can become enemies.

I'm currently seeing this happen with one of my friends. They've been friends with someone for over 20 years but they cannot even mention this persons name without a tinge of disgust in their voice. I totally understand the reasoning behind it but if I had to say which one was wrong, I'd say both are. One of the individuals has decided to move on and not discuss any of their feelings about their friend, WITH their friend. The other party involved chooses to express themselves through status messages, tweets, and pretending their other friendships are so much more important. Both people are just hurting each other even more; which makes their friendship deteriorate further.

For some, it becomes a blow to their pride to admit when they're wrong, jealous, hurt, or just don't like how they're being treated. Women tend to be able to do this easier but most men...they don't want to be looked at as acting like a chick so they'll let their friendship die. All in an effort to preserve an ego that probably caused their friendship to start crumbling in the first place.

I have been here before and I don't desire to go back. No matter how irritating it might be to someone, I will let them know when I have a problem. I don't feel like the demise of a friendship should come as a shock to anyone. Respect that person you heralded as a friend to let them know what's going on from your point of view. It does matter. If you were both in it to win it at some point, the least you can do is let that be known. After you let so much time pass, pretending not to care, it turns EXACTLY into you NOT caring. You become indifferent and that persons feelings are no longer even important to you...when "just a week ago" you would have defended them.

Long, meaningful relationships are worth attempting to save. The nature of your friendship might change but you don't have to "lose" a friend due to differences and misunderstandings; that's what communication is for. So, if you gave a damn about this person "just a week ago", let them know. Real friends are able to get pass bumps in the road. If you can't manage to do that, then maybe you weren't that good of friends to begin with...

Perception is Becoming EVERYTHING

2010-08-22T09:20:00.000-04:00

Perception isn't everything but it is becoming that way.

I was the biggest advocate for never fully relying on what you perceive to be the case. However, society is beginning to rely more on the internet than actual interaction with each other. This changes things and it forces everyone to rely on what we project to others about ourselves. Anyone who tries to skate around this issue is asking for trouble. The written word has ALWAYS been JUST as powerful as the spoken word. There are SO many people who claim to believe in the positive manifesting itself if you speak it but their sometimey asses will TOTALLY disregard the negative they throw out into the universe. Life doesn't work like this folks.

One thing that has remained a constant is...the universe will continue to give you back whatever you put out there. It doesn't change because YOUR definition of it changes. I bring this up because of a conversation Babybottoms father and I were having. We were discussing Twitter. Up until this particular conversation, he always felt I was putting my cape on for Twitter and it was a useless forum of oversharing on EVERYONE'S behalf (even though he uses Facebook, go figure). I decided the best way for him to understand where the appeal in it laid for me was to put it in his "terms". Twitter is a big social experiment. I am interested in how the mind works and I get to SEE that on Twitter. Regardless of the bullshat excuses people give about 140-160 characters not defining them as a person...sorry, but it does.

People will unfollow you over those 140-160 characters because they become clear indicators of your personality. It doesn't take a rocket scientist or a psychologist to figure out that some people are faking, doing too much, flat out lying, sharing too much information, or just being themselves. I don't mind someone assessing my character based off of what I tweet because they are all things I would say "in real life". I don't get online and turn into a totally different person that I have to debate with someone about who I REALLY am. If I tweeted it, I stand by it. Now if you would like more detail than the 140-160 characters I gave you, I have no problem giving you that. If I want to be better understood, I should be open to anyone questioning what I have to say.

So one of the things Babybottom's father and I discussed was how others are perceived. I told him there are some people who do the COMPLETE opposite of what they tweet and it makes me lose respect for them as human beings. I can't support someone who quotes Bible scriptures and inspirational/motivational quotes ALL DAY LONG about how people should live their lives but they aren't applying even half of what they're tweeting. It IS fake and the best word to describe that is: HYPOCRITE.

I understand that we are all human and we err. However, I would never tell someone how a man is supposed to treat them and then be letting my man treat me crazy as hell...and then tweet about it. I will only result in people continuing to follow me so they can laugh at me and my retarded ass life. I don't desire to be a mockery of any kind with my life so what you see is 100% what you'll get out of me. Anything you decide to post online IMMEDIATELY becomes a representative of who you are and if you don't believe that, you need to exit the stage NOW. If you don't want people to think that THIS IS YOU, don't write it. You can't explain your way out of your own words simply because it's a social network you chose to overshare on. You said it so either stand by your words or shut up.

However, there are a lot of people who see this differently. We are all entitled to our opinions on this subject but come on...be serious. If you don't believe in what you're saying/tweeting/tumbling/blogging, how do you EVER expect ANYONE to take you seriously? I see people tweet ridiculous crap ALL day and then say they have no real friends and no one cares about them when they really need people the most. Look at what you're projecting though. If you're constantly telling people WHAT you are and they decide to believe you, you can't be mad at anyone but yourself. I just wish people would use the internet responsibly and stop acting like bratty ass children when their life is shown to them.

If someone took your online life and played it on projection screen for all of your family and friends to see, could you honestly say you would be proud of the things you have put out there for EVERYONE to see? I sincerely hope so because if you can't, maybe you need to evaluate what you display to the general public...who doesn't know or really care about you.

Perception shouldn't be EVERYTHING but the more we submerge ourselves into the online culture, we have no choice but to accept the majority of people believe it is. Surf and share responsibly, adults :)

Kanye West: Power

2010-08-07T09:06:00.000-04:00

I cannot wait until his new 'album' comes out. I love listening to his mind. As insufferable as he can be, I can't help feeling like he's honestly genuine with everything he says and does. I think he would STILL be this person even if he didn't have money because he has this insatiable desire to win at everything. At times, I feel he has a lot of maturing to do but at 30+, I figure, this is just who he is. I LOVE when people are their organic selves despite the opinions of others. This isn't to say I agree with EVERYTHING he does; he can be a bit of an egotistical brat but if removing that meant losing the genius, he can be his bratty ass self all day.

As for the "moving portrait", I don't have anything deep to tell anyone about it. I think from a creative aspect, no one else is doing this...in videos. You can see some directing like this in movies though (see: 300). He gets an A+ for implementing a directorial style that isn't widely used. While watching the video though, I get the feeling that this is how he dreams. He's just dramatic across the board.

From the Outside Looking In

2010-08-07T08:41:00.000-04:00

Sycophantic behavior disgusts me.

I see a lot of it when it comes to random people's views on celebrity relationships. In my last blog, I spoke on adultery being wrong no matter who commits it...even if it is one of your favorite artist. What I am talking about in this post is all the ass kissing of other people's relationships because they APPEAR to be perfect. It has become OBVIOUSLY clear that people are grossly concerned with how things LOOK, versus how they really are. Yes, we're told that image is EVERYTHING but if you have nothing real to go home to, is that REALLY your idea of EVERYTHING? You have nothing, actually.

There are so many women who claimed they wanted a relationship like Nas and Kelis. How cute they were whenever they were seen out together. How their looks complimented one another and blah, blah, blah. I bet none of you asskissers wish you had their relationship now. It wasn't like Nas or Kelis woke up one day and decided, oh, I hate him/her and now, I'm going to act a fool and make their life miserable. I have no doubt in my mind that they had some good times in their relationship but what a lot of people fail to take into consideration is, it is NEVER what it seems. Their relationship required work just like anyone elses. When they didn't want to work at it anymore, it failed.

Sure, you can get surface information in regards to someones relationship but only those two people intimately involved know in full depth, what goes on.

What I have been seeing since I was a kid, with relationships, is people putting more emphasis on APPEARING perfect versus actually working on your relationship to be healthy. My mother and father used to do this idiotic shat all the time and I vowed to myself that if I EVER took any man serious enough to spend more time than usual with, I wouldn't make their mistake. You're allowed to be upset at your significant other if they do something that upsets you and vice versa. I'm not saying you have to walk outside with your mood all over your face but presenting an image as if NOTHING is ever wrong? It only makes people get in your business even more when something DOES go wrong. If your main focus is the "look of it all", your relationship was doomed the minute it began. Relationships are HARD work; you will have your glorious ups but you'll also have moments when you get irritated by one another and need your space. It's normal and that is life. Thinking it is going to be nothing but cute photo ops to post on Facebook and Twitter is a mistake.

I see women comment on how they would LOVE to have what Jay-Z and Beyonce have...how Will & Jada are doing the damn thing and so in love...I can keep listing relationships that women envy ALL day. It still doesn't mean that YOU'LL ever have EXACTLY what they have. I don't think these women consider ALL the hard work that goes into having THEIR relationship either. Just because Beyonce is smiling in 99% of the pictures with Sean, that doesn't mean she wasn't at home upset because he was doing something inappropriate or vice versa. WE don't know; all we see are their smiles, none of their cries. You don't see the "cries" until the shat hits the fan and it becomes a public spectacle. Then everyone's tone changes and it becomes a pointing finger game about who was wrong in a relationship that isn't even ANY of your business or mine.

Sure, Will & Jada have been married over 10 years and still appear to be VERY much in love but...who knows what they've been through during those 10+ years? So many people say they want THEIR relationship but those same people think open relationships are a load of horse dung. Well, that is one of the things they contribute to having a good marriage, amongst being best friends, and having a mutual respect that they do not desire from anyone else. My bad though, none of you "need to be seen" women can deal with that though, right? An open relationship allows THEM to be together; this isn't saying it's going to work for you but if you would smile at their relationship and say they are to be admired, you can't ignore WHAT makes it work FOR THEM. They aren't concerned about judgmental, conventional opinions of their marriage. ALL of the relationships that I've seen fail have been based on a traditional, conventional point of view. As far as I'M concerned, if they got it right doing something different, good for THEM.

Even Chris Brown and Rhianna...they were everyone's favorite couple, it was all love and "they're so cute together!" "I want a guy to look at me like Chris looks at her" and blah f*cking blah...until it got 'real'. Then EVERYONE forgot how in love they LOOKED and it turned into "he never loved her because if he did..." "young people always think they're in love when it's just lust" and more blah f*cking blah. REAL relationships are not like light switches; you aren't happily ON one day and within 24 hrs depressingly OFF with the ON switch nowhere in sight. Even when negative things happen, you STILL feel for that person...if you REALLY loved them in the first place.

From the general public, I see all of these demands for what one wants in a relationship but I never hear anyone saying how they would make their relationship work. Look at the basis of your relationship, the foundation, and if it was built on lust, having a good time, fantasies, delusions of grandeur, and daydreams, it will more than likely crumble. If your relationship was mainly built on hard work, friendship, love, honesty, and other redeemable qualities that come in handy when you're actually going through something with the person, you have a better chance of withstanding any tough times. Sadly, a LOT of relationships aren't "what can I do for you", they are more "what can YOU do for ME". Everyone needs balance because you should never be giving so much of yourself that you aren't getting anything or taking so much that you aren't giving anything of substantial value.

Balance is the key with anything you do in life. Once things get a little tilted in favor of one side, you'll more than likely see some problems and that is how you end up having altercations in your otherwise "perfect" relationship. How you come out of those altercations is what matters in the end. I think what people need to start doing is stop looking at other individuals lives and do what works best for them. To the more conventional, traditional mind, how I choose to live my life sometimes doesn't make sense. Even though I have given myself structure where needed, I don't box myself in with other peoples ideals of how life should be. Life changes EVERYDAY. What I was doing this time 2 years ago is VERY different than what I am doing today and it will be different tomorrow. I adjust my life where necessary and I just keep living it.

I think if people want to be in a relationship with someone that they think is perfect for them, they should make sure that they're doing everything to keep it that way. Selfishly holding on to a vision that requires the other person to work harder at dealing with you isn't going to give you a perfect anything. You'll end up separated and living your life without that person...much like the 'failed' celebrity relationships that were once idolized.

Lauryn Hill vs. Alicia Keys

2010-08-03T08:05:00.000-04:00

Isn't Lauryn Hill wonderful? I'm referring to the one who had a better grasp on her sanity...not 2010 Lauryn Hill. We ALL loved The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill...when it came out, it was something that you didn't hear being done often, let alone by a woman MC. It was musical perfection to our ears. Even 12 years later, people STILL love to quote her lyrics and reminisce on all the memorable times her music contributed to. Then she came out with some other shat that even her fans were kind of like "Ehhhh" on. It almost seemed like she was losing her mind. She was having "man trouble", it was throwing her into what seemed like some deep depression and WE ALL SYMPATHIZED WITH HER.

It was so heartbreaking to see someone with such an amazing talent, appear to go to waste...especially over the men she chose to deal with. Never mind that Wyclef Jean AND Rohan Marley WERE married during her tryst with them. It was Lauryn "Can Do No Wrong" Hill...and because her life was far worse than others, she got sympathy for her woes.

Now....what about Miss Alicia Keys?

Oh, my bad, as of yesterday, Mrs. Alicia Dean. Is it because her ALLEGED home wrecking situation turned out to be her happily ever after, the public has a reserved right to disrespect her AND her unborn child? Is it BECAUSE she didn't lose her mind over Swizz and her relationship wasn't turbulent like Lauryn's, that it becomes okay to cast judgment? I don't see ANYONE talking about Lauryn having 5 children with a man who was married. SO WHAT IF HE LEFT HIS WIFE TO BE WITH LAURYN. WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH THEIR FIRST CHILD, HE WAS STILL MARRIED. True, it isn't in our face NOW as much as the media likes to throw Alicia and Swizz around but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

However, Lauryn will ALWAYS be heralded as a musical great....as of lately, or until these bitter, judgmental, sorry, carcasses of human beings find someone else to publicly massacre on their blogs, twitter timelines, and tumblr, Alicia's musical TALENTS are disregarded. It doesn't matter that Alicia is STILL the SAME musical genius she was when she released Songs In A Minor. She has consistently given us an album every few years since 2001. WE should be interested in her MUSIC, NOT who she is screwing. Same goes for Lauryn Hill. My interest in her waned because she stopped putting out music I LIKED. I could give two shats about whose husband the trollop was sleeping with. WE know adultery is wrong; don't be a fool and think she didn't know.

I have nothing to gain by liking one musician that ALLEGEDLY commits adultery and disliking another. ADULTERY IS WRONG, NO MATTER WHO IS DOING IT OR WHY (even if that person was me). It just appears that the general public LOVES when entertainers are miserable...THAT is when they are recognized for their musical genius. Why? How would you feel if someone only acknowledged that you HAD talent when you were down in the dumps? I suppose that has always been the life of an "artist" though.

No one really comments on or "likes" things I write that come across as positive and uplifting but ANY time I have written about some bullshat you can Google and pull up millions of hits on, people will talk about my posting ALL day. This is a effed up society we live in....to anyone who is reading, please don't be that asshole of a person who picks and chooses who is exempt from f*ckery. That makes you an insufferable hypocrite and you might as well count down the days that someone is going to turn around and do the same thing to you. We all have something we can be judged on...just remember that folks.

P.S. - I think I am more disgusted with people attacking an unborn child than anything. You can't quote the Bible one minute, talking about "Children are beautiful gifts from God" and then pretty much send another child to hell because of the conditions they were born into. You f*cks act like that sperm decided it wanted to be sired through a suspect type situation. That isn't how children are conceived, assholes. Maybe, I am more sensitive about people talking shat about a baby because I have my own and I would stab someone in their left eye if they EVER talked shat about how my child was conceived. My daughter doesn't deserve to be lambasted for my sinning...neither does anyone elses child. CHILDREN ARE OFF LIMITS...until they can defend themselves...and if they aren't, well, let it be clown season on you and your children too.

Inception: Lucid Dreaming

2010-07-31T09:03:00.000-04:00

*there are no spoilers*

I had this blog written and ready to post...then I erased it all and started over. It was a little too revealing about the things I dream about.

If you haven't seen it, go. It's entertaining, even if you don't have the slightest clue what a lucid dream is. For people who think Nolan created lucid dreaming up solely for the purpose of his movie, do your research. It's very real and I've been dreaming like that since I was 12 years old. I don't remember any of my other dreams I have and it is a big contributor to my insomnia. It's pretty cool to control your imagination when you're a kid because there are so many things about life you aren't aware of yet. Your subconscious tends to be a LOT more innocent and pure. As an adult? Not so much.

It comes as a relief to be able to dream about things that you could NEVER do without serious repercussions but at some point...you have to wake up. Sometimes, the life I have dreaming is FAR better than my reality so it's almost like taking drugs. Do you continue to remove yourself from reality as much as possible or do you wake the hell up and just deal with life like normal people? My trade off for dealing with life like a normal person is not sleeping too much.

A 20-30 minute stretch of sleep ALWAYS feels like 2-3 hours. I can always start a dream where I left off; I can tell when it is about to end; I see everything in FULL color. So watching this movie was entertaining at some points, terrifying at others. I think it was an accurate portrayal of how the mind works when you seek to control your subconscious. The tricky thing about your brain is...there are some parts that you've never used in your life and what if they decide to kick in while you're sleeping? Who would believe the things that come out of your brain, but you? So a lot of my thinking, I transfer into my fiction writing or I'll discuss with Babybottoms dad. He has a pretty over active brain so he understands someone who is always thinking. We have some of the most interesting conversations because of topics I will bring up. Most of the time he has no idea it has anything to do with something I've dreamed about but sometimes you just gotta get that crap out of your head. It's far worse to continue having the same dream over and over...that you're controlling. In a word, it becomes: insanity.

I love EVERYTHING about cinema. I understand the screenwriters, producers, and directors minds. They have a vision that they've conjured up and put on a screen for the world to see. This is why I love movies like The Matrix, Avatar, Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, 300, The Neverending Story, Legend, Mad Max, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Fifth Element, and Ice Pirates. Those movies are the stuff dreams are made up. Any type of epic film (and not in the slang terminology) requires a LOT of imagination and I've always been inspired by the people who come up with them.

One day, I'll be able to share my imagination with the world much like these amazing screenwriters, directors, and producers. Then...I will FULLY appreciate all of the lucid dreams I've had.

If You Don't Care, Why Are You STILL Talking About It?

2010-07-21T00:02:00.000-04:00

How many times have you heard/read, "I'm so over it!", "I could really care less", "This is a thing of the past", only to see/hear the same person CONTINUE to hint at/talk about that same thing that is supposed to be of such insignificance in their life? Not only is it irritating as hell, it makes the person saying those things look like a complete and utter fool. Usually when someone does not care to give a situation or person any more of their energy, they stop mentioning it altogether.

I'm not saying that you can't vent and be upset about things that happen in your life. That is a normal reaction and everyone is allowed to do that but downplaying a situation to make it appear to others that you're this pillar of strength? It does the exact opposite. You haven't succeeded at anything but making people laugh and shake their head at you.

Personally, if something is bothering me, I will talk to one of my close friends about it until I feel I am "over it". Sure, people might bring it up again but I have good enough sense to know that if I am not going to take the time to tell the whole story, I need to just keep my mouth shut. Sometimes it feels good to play the victim because you get the sympathy/empathy from others that you wish you could be getting from the person you were obviously hurt by. I think that's normal, however, you should never make a fool of yourself, attempting to make a fool of someone else.

I've had some shitty stuff happen to me in my lifetime and there are times I will share it with others through my writing or I will turn it into a draft when I see it isn't anything I want to discuss with others. I make sure I give ALL of the information so that if anyone is going to form an opinion of me or the other person involved, it will be fair. Some might think to themselves, "why would I care to be fair to someone who was unfair to me" but if you're such the "bigger person" out of the situation, why wouldn't you want to be fair? Anytime I have knee jerk responses to other people, it is because I didn't care to think about anything I intended to say or do. However, I know that if there was even a slight chance that I would be in contact with this person again, I pause. I genuinely like certain people, regardless of whether they like me back so if anyone is going to burn a bridge, it isn't going to be me.

Some people I have no problem letting go of but others...they mean more to me than a tantrum I can throw on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, or when I'm having girl talk. If at anytime, I felt that my relationship meant something with someone, platonic or otherwise, I watch my mouth because just like some actions cannot be forgotten, words can damage just the same. We're all human so there will be some slip ups, I'm sure but everyone reading my blog is an adult so it shouldn't be too hard to stop talking about things you really don't care about...if you really have moved on.

"it was all good just a week ago..."

-Jay-Z

Post Racial Society = Long Journey

2010-07-16T05:39:00.002-04:00

Consistent and willful intolerance of others is hard for me to ingest. It offends me when ANYONE attacks someone because of who they were born as. No one ASKS their creators for the skin color, hair texture, physical features, or family they are born with/into.

What makes us different is the information we choose to feed ourselves. Constantly eating from a table that only supplies hateful fodder about others and that conjures a spirit of "them vs. us"…it will harden your soul in areas you may not even realize. As human beings, why has it not clicked with the masses that the change comes about when you seek to do the opposite of what has been done to you?

If someone rapes you, do you eagerly search for someone else to rape so they will know how you feel? No. You speak against it because you do not EVER want anyone to experience that horribly traumatic event. Why people do not view the hating of one another the same, baffles me. Hating someone because they are not similar to you, from an outward perspective, is counterproductive behavior.

I learned at a young age that just because my elders tell me something, that does not make it true/right. Some of my family openly refer to White people as "crackers" and "honky" but when they read or hear a White person refer to Black people as "nigga" or "nigger", it INSTANTLY becomes a problem. There are MANY people like this indoctrinating their children and grandchildren with the same hypocritical ass backward belief system. It was not okay when your ancestors were forced to pick cotton and it is not okay now that they have attained some level of freedom. So why do some people continue to adopt this attitude? In my mind, THAT'S self hate. You should love yourself and any future generations enough to DO BETTER.

The only way our society will ever be post racial is if EVERYONE makes a conscious effort to know and believe that one ethnicity is NEVER better than another. Having pride in who you are is a beautiful thing. Cutting others down to do it? THAT…is hateful, ugly and sets you so far back in the race for equality that you might want to quit now if you never seek to change.
When will people truly believe this? When will ALL of us REALLY do better?

The cruelest lies are often told in silence
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Cut It Out Already! Sheesh!

2010-06-28T18:57:00.000-04:00

My significant other was listening to Renegade the other day and he said the chorus was my theme song about life. I laughed because this is actually one of my favorite Eminem songs. If you aren't familiar with the chorus, it says:

RENEGADE! Never been afraid to say what's on my mind at any given time of day cause I'm a RENEGADE! Never been afraid to talk about anything (ANYTHING), anything (ANYTHING), RENEGADE! Never been afraid to say what's on my mind at any given time of day cause I'm a RENEGADE! Never been afraid to holler about anything (ANYTHING), anything (ANYTHING)

So with that being said, I want to talk about Christians, Chris Brown, Alicia Keys, hypocrisy, and fake ass people.

First of all, around this time last year, there was a BET Awards show and Michael Jackson had JUST passed. There should not have been any question as to WHO was talented enough to perform a tribute to him. However, because the world is chock full of stupid sycophants who get their panties in a bunch when a celebrity SURPRISINGLY reveals they are human, BET chose not to approach Chris Brown for the job at hand. Instead they had some bootleg, shotgun bullshat of a tribute of which they made up for this year by asking him to perform the tribute he should have done last year. F*ckery at its finest.

As far as Alicia goes...yall don't know SH*T about that woman's life EXCEPT what you see in the media. AGAIN, if we were to take bits and pieces of regular normies lives and distribute them to the public, I am sure I can make a large percentage of people reading this blog look like the criminally insane. NO ONE but her, Swizz and Mashonda have ALL the details regarding that relationship. Even IF we did, what in the hell does that have to do with her writing music and playing instruments? Not a damn thing. So yall call her an adulterer and that she conceived her child in sin...well last I checked fornication was a sin too...don't stop yall from humping and scrumping on each other. God doesn't have a check list that says "adultery, bad...fornication, not as bad". IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN, IT SAYS CLEARLY IN THE BIBLE THAT BOTH ARE WRONG. So if A. Keys needs to kill herself, why don't you do everyone a favor and blow your brains out too.

The problem I have with the general public is all the judgment they pass on others. It is sickening to see my timeline always filled with "#whogonecheckmeboo" "#dontjudgeme" "I'm grown and I do what I want; I wish someone WOULD say something to or about me" "haters are always talking sh*t about me; hate on haters"...and more foolywang that fools like to spit and then see these SAME people judging folks they only know through the media. AGAIN, NONE OF US KNOW THESE PEOPLE! THEY WERE NEVER YOUR FRIEND, NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF A FAN YOU WERE BEFORE THEY SHOWED YOU THEY WERE JUST AS FALLIBLE AS YOU.

The Christian and hypocrisy side of things go hand in hand because a large portion of people who I follow and that end up in my timeline are Christians. This isn't based on assumption; I know the majority of these people and I can always count on Sunday to see their "praise Jesus" tweets. Apparently what I can count on is for them to act unChristlike too. I AM NOT CONDONING A MAN PUTTING HIS HANDS ON A WOMAN OR ADULTERY...so don't make THIS about THAT. What I am saying is, who are you to say that it is NOW ok to forgive Chris? Who are you to talk about someones unborn child because of how it was conceived? When did someone appoint you God? God forgives us EVERY DAY for ALL of OUR sins, not just the ones other people can see. Who were you to say last year that Chris didn't deserve his job anymore because he hit his girlfriend? Alicia can't write music and sing it because YOU think she's talking about f*cking around with a married man? Do you even know WHEN she wrote that damn song? No you don't so shut the f*ck up. If I looked at your life in FULL DETAIL, would you be able to walk away unjudged by God for your actions? I seriously doubt it because WE ALL SIN.

I don't know what Bible these folks been reading but apparently they have found some list that says certain sins are to be forgiven while others are not. Last I checked, that aint nowhere in the Bible. God doesn't pick and choose WHAT sins are forgivable. Granted, if you continue to do the same thing over and over like an idiot, you aren't showing repentance but again, that isn't our place to judge someone on. As for the fake ass people, well, if you don't want anyone judging your hoeish ways, shady behavior, and/or felonious acts, STOP JUDGING OTHER PEOPLE. Instead of spending all this time talking about how genuine Chris Browns apologies are, whether or not his tears were real or a PR stunt, and if A. Keys needs to "burn in hell for stealing someones husband", yall need to go read your Bible.

No, seriously, start at Genesis 1:1 and don't get your ass up until you have read everything down to Revelation 22:21. In that book, you will find that God forgave men who committed HEINOUS crimes against their family, friends, and groups of people they didn't even personally know. King David was the assclown of his era but God still saw something in him that allowed him to remain in his good favor. He didn't go without punishment but it was God who did the punishing...not some puny humans. Don't believe me? Go do your research...King David wanted another man's wife SO bad that he would sleep with her while her husband was at war. When the wench got pregnant, David put her husband on the frontline to make sure he didn't come home to a wife pregnant with some other mans baby. So not only did he commit adultery, he intentionally set someone up to get murdered. When you read that account and other parts of the Bible, you will see that God had plans for David STILL after he willfully committed wrong acts.

Sounds to me like some of you need to be taught a lesson in forgiveness so you stop judging people like you don't do f*cked up shat too. Imagine if no one EVER forgave you for some of the things you did...every time you came around, your discretion was thrown in your face. If it has happened to you, it doesn't make it right for you to do it to someone else. It doesn't prove that you even learned anything. Try mercy and forgiveness on for size instead of this disgusting judgment that you think fits so well.

Assholes...

P.S. - if you believe in another higher power, change "God" out and insert your highly revered being there...if you don't believe in any higher power, just be humane.

P.P.S. - I am DEFINITELY a big sinner but I never measure my wrongdoing next to anyone elses. I need to be forgiven just like everyone else...

Open Relationships

2010-06-25T23:33:00.001-04:00

Open relationships usually get the side eye when they are mentioned and it is understandable if you could never see yourself in one. If you are seriously into monogamy, THIS is not going to ever work for you. If you are selfish and just want to have sex with anyone who arouses you but you want wholehearted devotion from one person too, it is not going to work. Open relationships ONLY work when the mutual understanding is there and that whatever you participate in, the one person you choose to be committed to, will have those same privileges.

Growing up in a very religious household, some might have never thought that I would be okay with this but unbeknownst to many, I have had issues with monogamy since I first knew what dating was. The fact that I have commitment issues also made it an easier concept to grasp. Even though my household was religious, it wasn't perfect so I saw some things and was able to comprehend a lot of activity that didn't seem so "Christlike". I figured, if everyone else could pick and choose how/when they'd abide by their Christian standards, why couldn't I? Needless to say, that attitude made me feel some kind of way about religion as a whole...but back to the topic at hand.

I had a lengthy conversation with someone the other day about my relationship. I don't discuss my relationship in detail online because you never know who is waiting to misconstrue your words. For all intents and purposes of this blog, I am choosing to use myself as an example though. I am currently in an open relationship and it is of my own volition. I was not coerced into it; he was actually persuaded by me. In my history of dating, I have found most men's idea of an open relationship is that they get to do whatever they please but the woman must ONLY give herself and her time to him. That isn't an open relationship; that's you getting a free pass to be a whore AND have a girlfriend. If I was delusional and dickamatized, then a one-sided open relationship might take place. However, I am not and I would never agree to a relationship like that.

The reason my open relationships didn't work in the past were due to jealousy...on behalf of the man I was with. They had no problem doing whatever they wanted and were happy as pigs in shat to have their "freedom", however, the problem came in when I would choose to exercise my "freedom" and hang out with other people. It became a big problem and from my previous experiences, I know it had to do with their male egos. Apparently, women should have no problem with a man liking variety but heaven forbid we want to experience someone else! In the minds of those men, one man should have been good enough for me but I should be understanding that one woman would never be enough for them. So we broke up.

Open relationships have terms & agreements in them just like any other kind. In order for me to even be categorized as someones girlfriend/woman, my terms & agreements have to be met. The person I have chosen to be with at this moment understands that. He isn't always comfortable with it but if he wants to be with me, this is it. All relationships require compromise and sacrifice; it is no different for us. As long as everything remains fair, I have no problems. Talking to friends and family about this subject is off limits for me because I don't ever want to feel like I HAVE to explain my adult decisions to anyone. My relationship is not up for discussion unless I choose to discuss it with you.

As far as his friends go, I have no idea what they think or what they have been told but I could really care less. He has Neanderthals, mainly, for friends (yes, he is a bit of one at times too) so they would never agree to anything like this with any woman they even half ass commit to. Yes, they would have a girlfriend but would constantly be cheating behind her back. If my relationship can't be open, I would much rather prefer not being in ANY committed relationship because I don't think anyone should be subjected to the deception behind cheating. Could I do monogamy? Sure. Will I get bored? Well...who doesn't? Having an open relationship doesn't mean that every week, I'm splitting my time up between him and someone else. It means that when I WANT TO, I have the "relationship freedom" to do so. Same goes for him.

TO ME, it doesn't matter how well I get along with someone, or how perfect things might seem to others, I get bored of the same old thing too. It shouldn't be viewed as an insult; it just is what it is. Will I purposely pursue someone else to fill the shoes of my significant other? No and if I see that someone I get involved with wants to take things to a level I cannot devote myself to, I exit the situation. I don't have a desire to be as close to anyone as I am to him, and to my knowledge, the feeling is mutual. Should either of us decide one day that this isn't going to work, we are both free to go do something with someone else that makes us happy. The only binding we have here is love.

I have found that a lot of people are curious about how open relationships work but the respect in the relationship is no different than in a monogamous relationship. If at anytime either person begins to disrespect the terms & agreements, that person has to go. It isn't very hard to grasp. It isn't for everyone but for those who like a certain element of freedom in their relationship, it works. I get questions all the time about it and I don't mind answering them, as long as they are respectful of my personal decision. I don't need anyone throwing the Bible at me about it, nor do I need anyone making assumptions that I'm being forced into this. I have always been very decisive with my actions and if I participate in something, it is ALWAYS of my own free will.

I love AND like who I am with; there are things about him that I haven't experienced with anyone else. I can freely open up to him and share things with him that other men might not even want to hear. He is able to be himself around me as well. We are so close that we can finish each others sentences effortlessly. We are so much in unison that our thoughts actually sync so much that we find ourselves thinking about the same thing at the very same moment. It's weird and I've never experienced a closeness like this since I was in high school. It isn't something either of us is ready to let go of so we make the necessary adjustments in other areas of our relationship so that both of us continue to be happy where we are.

If you are considering it, you can't be jealous. You must be confident in your decision to embark on this kind of relationship. It isn't anything to jump into in an effort to save a relationship that is dying either. Being with someone, through monogamy or not, requires you to be concerned ONLY about that person, not anyone else who you think MIGHT distract them. There are so many different vantage points from which these kinds of relationships can be viewed. Whether it is right or wrong is not a concern of mine; all I know is that I am happy and when I wholeheartedly try monogamy, I am not.

So feel free to ask questions if you're curious and/or share your thoughts but passing judgment will not be looked upon kindly :)

I Actually Do Care

2010-06-22T15:31:00.000-04:00

I'm subscribed to this certain blog and I can't even remember why I started reading it in the first place. The young lady is...a douche bag, to say the least. I mean, I have my moments where I might come across as uncouth but every blog she writes is just rude as hell. It is almost like if your opinion does not coincide with hers, you're a damn idiot. It's one thing to write from your perspective and for people to feel that, it's something entirely different to be on some "eff you" type shat even when you comment. When it comes to factual information, I stand by it, especially when I can readily provide you with proof. If you choose to ignore it at that point, hey, it's your library of smarts you're choosing to short. But opinions? Ehhhh...

If you ask me who are my favorite musical artists and I tell you, then you reply that my selections should NEVER qualify as top anything because they suck....yeah, that's YOUR opinion and THIS is what I classify as douche bag behavior. If you ask me if I think we live in a post racial society and I say no, then you tell me I'm wrong and I'm fixating on the past, this is you being a jackass. You see how my answer wasn't an opinion but really a fact? Granted, you are entitled to think otherwise about factual information (like people who insist the earth is flat) but you can't be offended when people call you a dumb ass.

So all of my rambling leads up to this because I actually do care...does my writing come across as douchebaggery? Sure, your responses will be filed as OPINIONS but it helps to know what my audience thinks. I do recognize my faults whether I state them to others or not so consider this more of a self-check type blog :)

The All Seeing Google

2010-06-20T00:02:00.001-04:00

Google Reader does its own thing separate from Blogger, even though they appear to be working together. I don't know if I'm the only person to notice it but you can get the most accurate reading, as far as how many people are subscribed to your blog, from Google Reader. According to them, I have 20 more followers than what Blogger has listed. Either there are 20 people who are secretly following me and don't want me to see who they are or Blogger is effing up.

I also noticed that when you delete a blog on Blogger, it is gone. Even the link that is automatically created will let you know, after clicking on it, that the post no longer exists. However, it will ALWAYS show up in Google Reader. In a way, I can't help feeling like Google wants to make sure EVERYTHING you put out into cyberspace STAYS in cyberspace. Very odd...

I set up Google Analytics so I could get accurate readings of who is reading my blog here and on Tumblr. It is more so to be able to gage how big of a following I have so I can use the numbers on my writing resume. Found some interesting stuff while reading my reports today. Google retains ANY information as it pertains to your blog, once you set everything up in Google Analytics. You can see what searches were ran for your blog to pop up...the countries people are from that read your information...how many people are visiting your site per day...even how many of the hits are unique. I found myself sitting there for 20 minutes reading reports about my blog.

I was impressed until I realized...someone is watching me and anyone who shares their online time going to my blogs. Then I got scared...if Google can watch people in such an unobtrusive manner that we think it's ok, what exactly is/has the government been doing? If Google can do ALL OF THIS, why has no one found Bin Laden? I'm sure he is staying off the technological radar but technology is pretty advanced so at what point does not being able to find someone become an excuse, on behalf of the United States government?

These are just some of the things that go through my mind while I am on the internet. After sitting and thinking about Google and everything they have their hands in, I totally understand why Steve Jobs hates their guts. As if it wasn't enough that Bill Gates exists, he has these smart MFers to contend with too.

Beautiful Minds Laid to Waste

2010-06-18T01:53:00.000-04:00

I watched the Behind the Music episode that featured Earl "DMX" Simmons yesterday and it made me feel odd. I have also been moderately keeping up with Scott "KiD CuDi" Mescudi and his latest drug debacle. Drugs seem to go hand in hand with most entertainers today; it is almost like if they aren't doing drugs something is wrong. However, I listed these 2 rappers because both of them have the ability to effect change in my mood while/after listening to them.

I purposely don't listen to DMX today because he makes me SO angry. He is one of my favorite rappers, hands down, because he always gave 500% when he rapped. Whether it was on some hyped up flow or it was smooth and mellowed out...he made me feel. It reminded me of the first time I had listened to a Tupac "2Pac" Shakur song...I FELT what he was saying and it made me want to hear more. When DMX came out, I had just graduated from high school and was nowhere near the maturity level I have today. I felt I controlled my anger but I still allowed the slightest, most insignificant things to set me off and increase my blood pressure. It wasn't until I had some murderous thoughts (I'm being so serious) that I realized some music should not be ingested by me. Music never really had that kind of grasp on me but for some reason, Dark Man X ALWAYS took me to the point of no return.

So when I watched the Behind the Music and saw that one of my favorite rappers is in fact, a crackhead, imagine my shock and horror. Don't read this like I'm hella late to the news that he was on drugs. I'm talking about...did you really KNOW he was a crack addict since the age of 14? Even if you did, that doesn't make you stop and think about other stuff too? By the time he "got on" he was 27 years old...that means, he had been doing crack for 13 years. HE WAS A CRACK ADDICT WHEN HE GOT SIGNED TO DEF JAM, PEOPLE. The story goes on to pretty much reveal that when he wasn't in jail, he was more or less a functioning crack addict. When things got so bad that he starting wilding out, that's when he was the crack addict you and I walk past on the street. His life was unbelievably sad and yes, I know there are TONS of people who live his life EVERY DAY...it's just...he's one of my favorite rappers and I had no idea that the passion coursing through his music was a result of his sociopathic behavior...induced by crack.

This got me to thinking about the music industry and how vile & disgusting they are. Yes, I KNOW his addiction is his "fault" and if he wants to be clean, he has to take the first step towards recovery. I know all of that but this isn't about pointing fingers and casting blame for how he got that way. My concern comes in here...because they felt he could make them shit loads of money, they ALLOWED him to be employed by Def Jam, KNOWING full and well, he was a crack addict. Let that be me or you smoking some weed and randomly getting drug tested...we're fired. However, not so much the case with Earl. I can't help feeling like they preferred him fucked up because THAT is when he made the best music. It is VERY sad to me and the least they could have done was say "Earl, we would love to work with you but you have to get clean first". I would LOVE to hear or read that they refused to work with him while he was on that shit but we know that isn't the case. They didn't do that for Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, or The Beatles...so I really shouldn't be surprised that they wouldn't do it for today's musical talent.

So enter Scott "KiD CuDi" Mescudi...

He has recently been the topic of discussion regarding some showing out and cocaine use. I can honestly say that I will not be shocked if it ever comes out that he has been doing cocaine since he was a kid. I sincerely hope that isn't the case but after seeing DMX, nothing will shock me. However, I feel about Cudi's music how I did about DMX's and 2Pacs...it's infectious and I can't help feeling different with each track that Cudi flows on.

I had to take him out of my cd changer in my truck because I could feel myself getting more depressed every day that I listened to him. My depression was from a shitload of stuff going on in my life right now that I don't really care to blog about here. However, listening to Cudi didn't help me feel any better. I could definitely relate to what he was saying but I was relating a little too much. I sincerely hope whatever he is going through to make such dark music does not send him spiraling out of control like DMX. From the outside looking in, it would be easy to say he's acting an ass because he's a celebrity but after watching Earl Simmons life story, I would never be so quick to judge. WE don't know why he can't get his emotional situation together. We can speculate but only he knows what's going on.

I love music...especially the kind that makes me FEEL...even more so, the kind that let's me know I'm not the only extreme nutcase on this planet. I hope people like Earl Simmons and Scott Mescudi recognize those who genuinely care about them and what they are doing to themselves. I guess that's all we can hope for at this point...

Unemployment Sucks Ass But I Have A Plan

2010-06-07T15:29:00.000-04:00

I am one of many who are STILL unemployed and it sucks. Regardless of what anyone has to say about the recession not really existing or that people who claim it exists just aren't working hard enough, take my word for it, IT'S HAPPENING.

I'm listed with staffing agencies and I am actively searching online EVERY day AND night. I also throw in prayer here and there because talking to God is helpful...still nothing. I do my part but it seems like nothing is happening.

I was aware that my former employer was going to lay off half the company a couple of months before it happened so I began looking for work then. When they noticed that I was looking for a job, they inquired why, since my position was not at risk of being dissolved. I politely let them know that with so many people being laid off, I didn't want to take a chance and not be prepared should the climate at the company change. They assured me I had nothing to worry about...and guess who got laid off when they were 8 months pregnant? Me.

So it's more than disheartening that I've been looking for employment for a year and a half and haven't found anything sustainable for my household. I've been led on wild goose chases that turn out to be companies trying to get me to sell life insurance. My parents were working for life insurance companies when they got laid off; my mom happened to be at Ameriprise and my father at some local insurance company in Shreveport, La. My father had a great sales record at his job but the minute his numbers dropped, they gave him the boot. Never mind that he had busted his ass for them the entire time he was there; they were interested in results, regardless of the economy, so my father and others were let go.

Because this unemployment journey has been so taxing, I have been looking for signs as to what I am doing wrong. It hit me the other day that maybe I need to switch fields. I have kept up with my writing by doing little side projects here and there but I haven't put 100% into what I really want and that's to write full-time...for the rest of my life.

I feel like I might be ignoring the signs if I don't take advantage of the time now so I'm going to put more energy into looking for PAYING writing gigs. Of course I will still submit my resume to Accounting positions that are suitable to my skill set but my focus is getting this written word published for mucho dinero.

So wish me luck...or blessings, if you don't believe in luck :)

Your Worth is $5,000? Oh...Ok

2010-06-05T01:20:00.000-04:00

For those who cannot bear the sound of The Dream (I don't mind his falsetto), the lyrics of the song are talking about when his girl is mad at him, he just buys her a bag and then it's all good. He is advising other men to do the same; if you've been out acting a fool by coming home at 4 am most days out the week, no biggie, drop $5,000 on a bag and it's all love again. What do I have to say about this?

It's pure foolywang and ladies, you're basically telling your man that you can be bought for the price of a purse. A really expensive one, but a EFFING BAG, nonetheless. I surely hope women take more pride in themselves than this...although from what I see, they'd rather have a bad ass CoCo Chanel versus some self respect.

What The...

2010-06-03T07:05:00.000-04:00

Someone asked this question on Twitter:

How would you feel, as a Black woman, if all your exes married White women?

As soon as I read it, I shook my head but I RTd it and responded:

Who someone else chooses to date doesn't affect me

I can only assume that the person who asked the question feels SOME kind of way when their response was:

You wouldn't feel any certain way at all?

I laughed again because asking someone questions like that is usually in an effort to get the person to change their initial answer. My answer didn't change but I did elaborate with this:

No; why should I? THEY choose to marry/date who they want; NO ONE has ANY control over THAT but them...

The conversation ended there; they didn't inquire anymore or engage me in any further conversation on the matter. I hate when people do this because it is almost like, well, she didn't agree with me so let me move on to someone who does. Not quite my idea of good communication. Sometimes I think people don't think they can communicate with others who do not see things from their point of view. But back to the question...

Why in the hell is it so important to other people who other folks are dating/marrying? Why is it ANY of our business? A relationship will ALWAYS be between the two people who choose to form some kind of attachment to one another. It is nobody elses business, yet, some folks find some way to make it their concern. Skin color does not play a part in love, for me. Right now, I am involved with an African American/Black man but if a Caucasian man could love me in a better capacity, I would NEVER stand in my own way simply because we do not share the same skin color. That is foolishness to me. So when other people date outside of their ethnicity, it is not a big deal to me.

Everyone claims to want a post racial society but being concerned with things like this just move us farther away from that goal. A lot of women are always complaining about the need to be loved and in a relationship but always dating men that are not GOOD FOR THEM. If your knight in shining armor happens to be cut from a different cloth, be okay with that. If someone elses knight or queen is a different 'color' than them, it doesn't change the fact that they might VERY WELL be WHO is best for them. We have got to stop looking at different people as OBJECTS and view them as the human beings we would like to be perceived as. Otherwise...this shat is going to continue FOREVER.

If ALL of my exes married White women, I would NEVER assume that they hated me or themselves because I was Black. I would never assume that something is wrong with me because they chose something different. The only thing I would KNOW is that they married who they wanted to marry. The end. It isn't rocket science nor is it anything for ANY woman to validate her ethnicity on. Who an ex chooses to marry could NEVER make me any more or less Black than I am today, tomorrow, or yesterday so who in the fuck cares? If you do, you shouldn't.

SATC2...spoiler alert

2010-05-30T11:52:00.002-04:00

Those shoes were about the only time I got excited the entire movie and they made their appearance within the first 5 minutes.

For some women, going to see Sex and The City 2 was absolutely necessary; I went because one of my girls bought tickets for 4 of us. I enjoyed the fellowship with those ladies more than watching some old hags prance around in clothing that honestly, wasn't very age appropriate. Should there be limits on what a woman between the age of 40 and 55 should be able to wear? Some would say no...I say, wear what you want unless you're sensitive to people laughing at you wearing clothing that women half your age are purchasing.

The highlight of the evening was watching women trip on this stair in the aisle and act like they were fine...and the 2 chicks dressed up like they were going to the club but had the nerve to be late and getting flustered because they couldn't find seats.

It kind of pains me to admit SATC2 wasn't something I would pay these exorbitant movie prices to see because I really am a fan of the series. I'm not just saying that because EVERY woman appears to be a fan. I actually know all of their names. I really did like the first movie because it seemed...realistic. #2 though? Here are some of the problems I had:

Carrie: she got to marry the man of her dreams, even after he played her on NUMEROUS occasions; she hung in there and got what she wanted...Big. For a second she forgets that her dream man is a good 15-20 years older than her and has been married 3 times prior to her. Frankly, if I'm even dating a man that old, I already know what comes with the territory. Most of the time he is going to be about business and after working all day to keep her in the Manhattan residence he has allowed her to decorate to her liking, he just might want to come home and relax with his wife, more often than not. He's had far more time to enjoy the glitz and glam of New York...it's now time to enjoy the fruits of his labor how he pleases. However, here comes Carrie bitching about him going to some dumb ass movie premiere for one of her best friends ex-boyfriend. Personally, I would have left his ass on the couch eating chow mien; no biggie, but the next time he wants me to go somewhere and I really don't feel like it, he would NEED to understand. So because she created a problem with her relationship that didn't even exist, she wants to act like a brat and go kiss her ex all in the mouth in Abu Dhabi? Grow up please. Carrie, you would REALLY ruin the relationship you worked SO HARD to have with Big over Aidan? Cut it out, you're over 40 and need to start acting like it.

Miranda: she irritated the hell out of me the first movie but this one she was the ONLY one who didn't get on my nerves. Go Miranda!

Charlotte: whined and cried about not being able to have kids so she adopted one...then miraculously got pregnant. Hooray! I was more than elated for her. Now that she got what she wanted so bad, she's going to have a breakdown because her daughter put her dirty hands on her designer skirt? I'm a mom so I totally understand how one little thing can make you break out in tears but why in the hell was she in a VINTAGE skirt making cupcakes any way? She deserved that. Shut the hell up, put on some overalls and a tank top and finish those damn cupcakes. As for the nanny, she's the fool for hiring her without her wearing a bra THEN listening to her silly ass friend who doesn't have kids sow seeds of doubt in her mind. She was being as silly as Carrie, in my opinion. Also, if one of my girls told me to come on an all expenses paid vacation, there would be no hesitation. Babybottoms dad would have a list of things to do for Babybottoms for the week and I would be out. Mommy's need breaks too...

Samantha: in my younger years I could very well be compared to this old trollop...only difference is, as I aged, I knew I would have to start making more mature decisions about my sexual activity. She's clearly closer to 55 than 20 but still acting like a teenager. I can remember being in high school and I had this friend whose mom NEVER dressed appropriate for her age. We always shook our head at her because she would ALWAYS be doing too much. The same women I went to high school LOVE the hell out of Samantha and would probably give her a high five....my question is, what is the difference between Samantha's old-forever-young ass and my classmates mother? Not a damn thing. People just allow themselves to be glamorized by people on television. Will I be dressing like Samantha at 52? More than likely no. You can still be VERY sexy without looking...hella young. Fast forward to Abu Dhabi...she was invited there on business but the entire time she was trying to get poked in the vag by random men...Samantha, calm down and also be respectful of the culture in the country. She was just rude beyond belief and made it obvious why some foreigners hate Americans. It made no sense to me how she is over 50 and cared more about getting some peen than her business expanding over seas. At 50, I can have sex with whomever I want whenever I want so that isn't going to be my #1 priority when there is money to be made. It was just unrealistic to me if she was supposed to be such a smart businesswoman.

There were other things but they weren't significant enough, in my opinion, to mention them.

In a nutshell...I rank it as mindless entertainment equivalent to The Basketball Wives. So enjoy, if you like that kind of thing.

Racial Bias With American Baby

2010-05-28T00:20:00.000-04:00

There are no Black children in that ad to the left.

It struck me as odd because the damn magazine is called American Baby, yet, this photo is not an accurate representation of ALL American babies. They come in different colors/ethnicities and each group should have been properly represented. However, you see 80% of the children look/are Caucasian. This is my last straw with this publication though and I will explain why.

American Baby and Parenting magazine have these panels you can join to take surveys that allow you to test products for your baby, get samples, enter sweepstakes, and take surveys that give the publisher an idea of what the readers like. I used to fill out the surveys ALL the time but felt something odd was going on because I was NEVER contacted to participate in anything past the surveys. I noticed that each survey requires you to list your ethnicity. I had been stating that I was African American so I decided to mark that I was White and see if someone would contact me.

I received a call about a survey I had taken and when the lady was going over my answers she asked what my ethnicity was. I wanted to see if she would still move forward with the questions if I stated my real ethnicity. When I told her that I was African American she said, “Well it says here that you’re White”. I felt that should not make a difference; I am still a mother with a child that fully qualified for what the survey was featuring. She then stated how awkward this was and that they would not be needing me at this time.

I hung up the phone in a state of confusion because I had just gotten played for being Black.

So when I saw this ad, I immediately felt like something was missing.

I wanted to share this with anyone who has children because these magazines should be extremely diverse when gathering information for products and from their readers. I was good enough to move forward with the survey when I was White but the minute I became Black, I was not needed anymore. It sends a message…and not a good one.

I won’t be renewing any of my subscriptions to American Baby or Parenting (owned by the same people) because of this and I will be writing a letter to their Editor in Chief. It is 2010 and there really is not any room for this kind of behavior if we want to peacefully coexist…

Pet Peeves

2010-05-23T00:00:00.001-04:00

We all have pet peeves...here are a few of mine. Feel free to share yours; you never know, we might have some in common!

I HATE...

...this non-efficient Blackberry RIM device

...T-mobile because their service sucks ass as much as my Blackberry

...when someone comments on how long my blogs can be and then I go to their shitty ass blog and it's chock full of dissertations about damn nothing with a few SAT words thrown in to delude readers into thinking the blogger/writer is talking about something of importance

...when people ask me to do last minute writing projects for them but when it comes time to shower people they know with accolades, I become as useful to them as a unicorn crapping rainbows out its ass. please don't misinterpret that statement as me wanting someone to kiss my ass. just don't understand how I'm good enough to help you out of a bind but not good enough to recommend to others. all of those people can eff off and never ask me to write shat else

...when someone asks me several times to read and comment on their blog but has never stepped foot into my world of writing

...when people in effed up relationships want to give advice about what other people should be doing; I want these people to mind their damn business and go figure out why no one can stand their imposing ass

...when people judge celebrities for shat they've done in their lives but have family/friends that have done the same thing...or similar

There are universal rules that MANY people don't abide by. Some people will find any way they can to make sense of some transgression they've committed but let a celebrity eff up and they're never forgiven. THESE ARE REAL PEOPLE, ASSHOLES. Money does not negate their ability to have the same emotions our broke asses have. Coping is different when you're rich; the media has no problem showing them entering rehab centers, going on shopping sprees, taking trips out of town with their friends. So because they made mistakes life is supposed to come to a standstill? Did it ever occur to you that they're doing these things so that they aren't at home burying their face in tear stained pillows because they can't just eff up like a normal human being? When you have a significant amount of wealth you deal with EVERYTHING different; when you're broke you're stuck emo-binging on a budget. So it is easier for normies to relate to drinking cheap vodka to drown out their sorrows versus popping Cristal in the VIP section. Calling your friends obsessing over something within your control, smoking your life away, and bitching & complaining....all things less wealthy people can take advantage of when they want to grieve over their mistakes. Don't be salty because it APPEARS they've moved on with their life and you can't pull off the same facade.

...when people want to know why I don't write about my relationship with Babybottoms father

For one, I don't have a traditional relationship; that in itself will solicit commentary I don't care to hear or have. I operate on a playing field of all is fair in love and war; my significant other lives by this never ending list of double standards a lot of men seem to operate from. Even though we'll probably never see eye to eye on that, WE are fine with our relationship. WE have made the conscious adult decision to love each other in spite of our differences. Do I need the general public commenting on that? No. I don't want anyones opinion on my life unless I ask for it. Randoms are not welcome into that part of my life.

...when people give advice no one asked for

Why is it that usually, people who have THE most effed up lives are ALWAYS seeking to fix someone elses shat? If we're having casual conversation, stop looking for moments to get on your soapbox and I won't use my water hose to rinse your preachy ass away.

...when people take my words out of context

What makes anyone think it's okay to remove words and apply a totally different meaning to them than what was given? I mean what I say when I say it and for you to assign some meaning you pulled out your ass just makes me want to stop talking to you. When people do that I can't help but think and feel like they heard one thing they didn't agree with so now they hear nothing else of what I'm saying. I fault their communication skills. LISTEN when people are communicating with you; that requires you to take in EVERYTHING they are saying and THEN discussing...not taking bits and pieces in while throwing your own red herrings around to make invalid points that really have nothing to do with what I was talking about in the first damn place.

I have tons more but I feel like watching Glee so now you can comment on mine and/or list your own :)

The Answer to the Relationship Conundrum

2010-05-20T01:17:00.000-04:00

I sometimes wonder if my fellow African Americans/Blacks notice that, as a nationality, we perpetuate a lot of our own bullshit. Take relationships for instance. Yes, relationships are the dead horse that has been beat mercilessly but I have a point to make real quick.

There was a part in a Spike Lee movie where 4-5 women were sitting in a living room talking about men...and how they aint shit.

On the sitcom Martin, the main character (Martin) was cracking a joke about his wife's best friend and how he hoped the gathering didn't turn into a There Are No Good Men party. His wife's best friend went on to say there weren't any good men...as far as she could see.

Chante Moore has a song called Chante's Got A Man. In the beginning of the video, she is in a living room with her friends, listening to them basically bitch and complain about their relationships. She then goes on to sing about how good her man is to her and that good men do exist. Her friends pretty much gave her a side eye like she was the crazy bitch at the gathering.

Do you see a pattern here or do I need to give more examples of BLACK PEOPLE TELLING OTHER BLACK PEOPLE THERE AREN'T ANY GOOD BLACK MEN?

We can't get upset at news stations feeding into our cultural bullshit when we put it on a platter for them to pick at. Sorry folks, we can't blame this on anyone White. This is our problem and our problem alone. If you want it fixed, start using your common sense and stop relying on celebrities to tell you WHO YOU ARE and HOW TO BEHAVE when dating someone. Relationships aren't that complicated, however, they become so when we stubbornly refuse to treat the other person in the relationship as we would want to be treated. One person can't do all the work and if you are, shame on YOU for staying in a one sided relationship.

If you want your man to help you take out your weave, don't say shit to him when he tells you to come help him cut the grass. That isn't a woman's job? Well guess what, taking out your rusty, crusty ass weave isn't a man's job.

If you want your chick to let you freely roam Ass Pasture, don't get mad when she starts seeing other people. Monogamy doesn't go one way, assjerk.

If you want her to keep up her appearance so that you continue to date the woman that first caught your eye, make sure you are getting your hair cut EVERY week and you wear more than jeans, t-shirt and sneakers. You made sure you were fly whenever you picked her up before, don't slack off simply because you can.

If you want him to be conscious of your time when he is out with his friends, be conscious of his time and stop taking damn forever to get ready every time you have to go somewhere with him.

This isn't a Black person problem; this is a YOU'RE SLOW IN THE BRAIN problem. These issues are not unique to only Black people; we just happen to give so much energy to fuckery that other people will gladly entertain themselves by our foolishness.

Bottom line is, IF a relationship is what you want, stop dating people that you aren't compatible with. Be with someone who suits your personality, accept them for who they are, have clear communication with one another, and don't be bitching about shat you saw when you were "just kicking it". I just saved you a trip to Barnes & Noble AND some money you might have dropped on a self help book that is basically common sense. It either isn't so common to you or you're just hardheaded as hell and will be with anyone just to say you're in a relationship.

Cut out all the excuses, take some responsibility for your adult ass actions and make better decisions.

You're welcome.

Selfish Douche Lords

2010-05-19T10:29:00.000-04:00

I was listening to the radio this morning while cleaning up the house and it happened to be on the station Steve Harvey's talk show is on. This morning they were discussing a situation between a man and a woman where the man had given the woman herpes. He showed his even larger douche lord personality by telling the woman he had been with for 7 years that she should just take him back because no one would want her now that she has herpes. He went so far as to say that she could never get anyone to love her because she was infected. I don't know what planet his retarded ass was on but he definitely wasn't down here on Earth with that kind of logic. Why in the hell would she want to stay with someone who said something like this to her? She didn't and I'm happy she moved on and away from this assjerk.

There was a little more to the commentary from Steve Harvey but I was disgusted by this man...not because I personally know him or the woman he was in a relationship with. I was disgusted because there are so many men who exist with this selfish asshole mentality. They're so fixated on doing whatever it is that makes them feel good and comfortable that they forget they have an obligation to the person they have decided to be in a relationship with. Is it really asking too much to not bring a disease into your home? Really???

I'm tired of the excuse that men have an inherent need to be with more than one woman. While I do believe some people are not "engineered" to live happily ever after with one person, it is still a horrible excuse to use to be sexually irresponsible. There is nothing wrong with not wanting a monogamous relationship. Just say that you don't want to commit to one person because it is more fun for you to do what you want with whom you please. Because THAT is what it is. I don't have a problem with people who have open relationships but if they are more attached to one person than any of the others, respect that person enough to not be sticking your dick in everything moving without protection.

Have some respect for yourself AND the person you claim to love.

It isn't that hard yet SO MANY people act like you are giving them a death sentence when you tell them they NEED to use protecton. WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO??? If these women/men mean nothing to you, you obviously know little about them or just enough to feel comfortable having sex with them. Therefore, SHOW that you care about the more important person in your life. It isn't that hard and if you say it is, you just might be a selfish douche like the Herpes Guy mentioned in the beginning.

If I hear "I trust them so it's cool" one more time from these dumb ass people who have no problem raw dogging, I'm going to karate chop them in the privates. One question...are you going to be this calm and nonchalant when you contract HIV, it turns into full blown AIDS, and you are given a real life death sentence? By then, it will be too late. I'm telling you....IT IS NEVER THAT SERIOUS. Yes, that is the worst case scenario but you can also contract other sexually transmitted diseases AND....children. All because you have no desire to wrap it up....pathetic.

When I was younger, I was genuinely interested in why people did the things they did but now...I could seriously give a fuck. People do stupid shit that never deserves a dignified response and I almost wish something irreversible would happen to people like this. Simply so it can register in their dense ass brain that they are not invincible and bad things happen to people who are irresponsible with their lives and the lives of those they claim to love.

These same people care more about a stray dog than they do about their fellow human beings. I can't...

My only wish is that people genuinely cared and their actions proved it...

The Lost Poody

2010-05-15T02:05:00.000-04:00

I got some shat talking from a couple friends about me calling Babybottoms pacifier a poody.

"That sounds like booty. Why can't you call it a paci?"

"Poody? What the hell?"

And some other stuff I'm not writing down for you to agree with. I like poody and so does her father. The end. Moving on...

So Babybottoms has a favorite poody. She actually owns about 6 but she took a liking to this green one with a bumblebee the very first day she used it to pacify herself. However, because it is her favorite, when she can't find it and more importantly when WE can't find it, all hell breaks loose until it is resting comfortably in her mouth. It is like a life or death matter when it goes missing.

I have bought pacifier clips so that I can attach it to her clothes but Babybottoms and her father act like I am killing them when I demand they keep that pacifier attached to her clothes. She removes it and her dad doesn't make her keep it on her clothes....and guess who has to go on a damn scavenger hunt to find it because neither of them know how to look for anything? Right...me.

So the other night poody is missing and Babybottoms is screaming bloody murder. I can't take all that screaming and every time I ask her to please calm down, I'm doing my best to find it, she gets closer to my ear JUST to scream louder. I searched frantically for this thing as her dad is off in the bathroom doing his daily skin regimen for the evening. A little help would be appreciated but he doesn't see what all the fuss is for. He can deal with the intentional banshee yelling far better than me.

I still couldn't find that piece of shat pacifier so I went into the bedroom for the back up. It is TOTALLY different from what she is used to so I knew I was going to get an attitude. Some of you might be shaking your head like it isn't that serious...oh but it is. Babybottoms doesn't use a pacifier all the time; she only uses it to put herself to sleep and when she's tired of yelling at me and wants to calm herself down. I couldn't make this up if I tried and I'm being so serious right now.

So it's almost 10 pm and she's tired of being awake but I can't find poody. So I hand her the substitute and she looks at me with this glare that says, "You know that I know this isn't my poody, right?", which only makes me say to her, "Babybottoms, I know it isn't your fav but that's all I got for you right now. Go to sleep and get off my nerves".

I promise you she can comprehend English already because she huffs, stuffs it in her mouth and lays down on the couch. Just when I think I've won, she starts fussing again but this time she's pulled the substitute poody out of her mouth and is looking at it while fussing. Almost as if she is fussing at it for not sitting in her mouth the right way. She does this for a good 30 minutes. She chewed on it, turned it around, stared at it, even threw it on the floor a couple times in the middle of her whining.

I just turned to her dad and told him we have to find this thing because I want to go to sleep. He goes into some meaningless banter about how it's my fault this time and blah, blah, blah. He's no help. I simply turn to Babybottoms while she's whining and ask her, "why won't you let mommy be great and get some writing done"; she smiles, pops the sub in her mouth, grabs her blanket, and goes straight to sleep.

She knows when she's being a menace and I can appreciate that she doesn't cross the line of no return with her attitude too often. However, the next day, she gives me a look like "where in the hell is my REAL poody" when I give her the sub again. I tell her dad AGAIN that we MUST find it before the day is out, even if it means tearing the house up. He rolls his eyes and continues perusing Facebook. I can't take either of them acting like they run everything so I went to have a drink at the restaurant my friend bar tends for and to run some errands. Three hours later I pull up to our humble abode and upon getting out of my truck, I see THE poody resting on the floor of the truck. I had admonished her while shopping the previous day to not throw it on the floor. Of course she doesn't listen and laughs every time I have to pick it up. When we got back in the truck, I gave her instructions to either keep it in her mouth or her seat. Both things of which she ignored since it was on the floor near the drivers seat.

I think the only time I was happier was when they pulled her out of my stomach and showed her to me. Seriously, I was THAT happy! No more fighting with Babybottoms...well, at least not about the poody. I get upstairs and bust in the house shouting, "Babybottoms! Guess what mommy found? POODY!" and her response was so awesome...she smiles the biggest smile ever and starts flailing her arms around and trying to scoot off the couch to get her poody.

I've had my eye on this poody like a hawk for the past couple of days because I can't deal with THAT nasty attitude she flings my way, over a pacifier, nonetheless. I know she gets that from her dad...don't dispute me on this.

I'm Honored!!!

2010-05-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

I was given a blog award by the great Jenny Brown!

Pretty cool, right? However, now I have the burden of telling you 7 things about myself that I haven't shared before, passing the award on to 5 other people, and then going to their blogs and telling them I think they're awesome. So boring...I'm kidding.

I actually think it's AWESOME that someone picked me out of ALL the blogs they're subscribed to. I view it as an honor and I'm UBER excited to share with you the 5 people I've been meaning to showcase but was too busy talking about my life and Babybottoms!

So here goes nada!

1st thing...I've read the Bible 7 times and I still refuse to use it against my fellow sinners. So what that I can discredit half the religious lunatics running around being the judge and juror of others fate. I prefer to leave that job up to The Higher Being. However, I LOVE hearing people misquote the Good Book. Gives me the opportunity to let them know they're forsaking their Lord by putting words in his mouth he never uttered.

2nd thing...I've read the dictionary and an entire set of encyclopedias. I had a TON of time on my hands as a kid because I was home schooled from 5th grade thru the 10th grade. Instead of be bored, I picked up anything I could get my hands on to read. Sometimes this will give people the impression that I THINK I know everything; I really don't. However, I don't argue...my head is FULL of useless information that zooms out of my mouth when necessary.

3rd thing...I have an extremely high tolerance to everything. It has something to do with my nerves. A doctor explained it to me when I was younger and the simple explanation is that I have delayed reactions to things I should IMMEDIATELY react to. I tend to live a life of excess at times because of this....

4th thing...my comprehension skills far surpass most peoples. I'm not being an ass when I say that. I've been like that since I was a kid. As long as you give me the necessary information needed to understand anything, I will. Some people mistake this for me agreeing with them. Then I have the task of explaining to them that just because I understand them (when most people wouldn't) doesn't mean I agree with what they are doing.

5th thing...I hate clowns. I blame Killer Clowns from Outer Space for this.

6th thing...I get extremely bad migraines, almost to the point where I want to stab myself in the head. I've had them since I was 12 yrs old and apparently there is nothing I can do about them. So I just live with them...

and last but not least...

7th thing...I wanted to name Babybottoms, Riley but her dad said no. He has convinced himself that the only reason I was doing it was because of Riley from The Boondocks.

And here are the 5 blogs you should check out....I read EVERYTHING they post...EVERYTHING.

1st blog...3 The Hard Way...you get 3 for 1 with these ladies. I have been friends with Ramona (one of the writers of the blog) for...almost 9 yrs...so I embrace anyone she rubs shoulders with. It doesn't hurt that they LOVE Babybottoms too!

2nd blog...She.So.Fly/F*ck It All!...I started keeping up with her on Youtube because she had HILARIOUS videos. She doesn't TRY to be funny...she just is AND...I thought it was uber cool that she used to be a pornstar but CHOSE to do something else with her life. Admirable really, considering this economy sucks balls and sex will ALWAYS sell...

3rd blog...A Daily Dose of Architecture...there is an architect hiding in my soul somewhere and I get my needed fix by stalking this blog.

4th blog...Vexed...there are few people I've come across on the internet that I wouldn't mind knowing "in person". She's one of those people...just from her honesty alone. She shares things on her blog that I would NEVER allow random strangers to know and in a way, that makes her a lot stronger than she even thinks.

5th blog...Hyperbole and a Half ...you have not truly lived unless you subscribe to this blog. EVERYONE needs some of this zany in their life. EVERY post makes me laugh ridiculously loud to the point Babybottoms will stop what she's doing to see what I'm doing.

Now excuse me while I go tell all these people I've given them an award....thanks again Jen!

Tumblr

2010-05-06T19:24:00.000-04:00

I have a Tumblr account but I haven't given everyone access to it. It isn't anything I want anyone and everyone being able to readily read. It's my online place of refuge from everything that is so easily accessible...

I do understand that I can have a "private" Facebook profile, "private" Twitter, "private" Blogger and so on but that's doing too much, requires far too much energy and I just don't want to. So having that one sanctuary total independent of all the others was more appealing to me.

I still do not want close family and friends perusing my thoughts on Tumblr because they ALWAYS have a way of self-applying when the topic they choose to pick has absolutely nothing to do with them. I don't have to explain myself on Tumblr and I want to keep it that way. I started out writing in that manner here on Blogger but it's connected to Google so even if I wanted to keep people "out", Google would make it available in some tricky manner.

So...I will let everyone reading this blog know that I'm on and popping with Tumblr but you will read everything at your own risk over there. I will only give out the link IF you ask for it...and if you are a close friend or family member, don't be offended if I spare you my thoughts and decline to give you the address.

If you want to follow me, email me...ladyred1122@gmail.com

Modeling Underwear for Lane Bryant Needs Censoring Now? WTF?

2010-04-26T21:48:00.000-04:00

All of the women in the picture above are what the modeling world would consider plus size. I think they are all beautiful and I would never call any of them fat. However, if you weigh more than 115 lbs and model, apparently it's viewed as something unfit for television viewing and a regular lingerie/underwear ad is being censored because of it. I don't get it...they show skinny chicks with supple racks ALL the time in Victoria Secret ads on television but a chick over a size 8 gets on television with her buxom bosom and it's treated as though it was pornographic? What...the...flock of geese?

ABC and FOX refused to air a Lane Bryant commercial starring Ashley Graham (see below). It was not a sexual commercial AT ALL. She was modeling underwear...not her ass, pelvic bones, or sex...just some panties and bras. After Lane Bryant made a fuss about them discriminating, they decided to air it, just not at certain times.

I sincerely hope all the bloggers/writers that were all for supporting Erykah Badu's recent antics of stripping down to her bare naked ass and Ciara air humping in her video (expressing her sexual empowerment, as some bloggers/writers have stated) will engage others in conversation about this. Or will that be asking too much because Ashley Graham isn't a well known "celebrity"? Ashley's JOB is to model apparel but these networks treated it like she was doing something that needed their approval. In reality, there are far more women who mirror Ashley Grahams body versus E. Badu and Ciara's so it would be within their interest to discuss this. Seriously, what kind of message is the media REALLY trying to send people? If you aren't a certain weight, it isn't okay to model? If you have "wobbly bits", you should ALWAYS remain covered?

To be completely honest, Ashley Graham's body looks FAR better than mine, considering Babybottoms wrecked havoc on my stomach. But that's not the point...what is going on with this blatant double standard?

How do you feel about the commercial? Do you think it should be treated any different than the Vicky Secret ads that get to air anytime of day, night, regardless of the programming?

A lot of things are circulating through my head about this but I would like to hear other people's opinions on this...

Being A Mommy Is Tough...Sometimes

2010-04-26T13:33:00.000-04:00

I'm genuinely happy to be a mother to my daughter. I will tell anyone that God blessed me with the PERFECT child...for me. I am SO grateful for that because I know some mommy's have the spawn from hell they can't relate to. Babybottoms is an EVEN split of me and her father. When she isn't behaving similar to me, you can bet your next paycheck she's acting like her daddy. It makes it VERY easy to deal with her. I can't honestly complain about her being intolerable when she's a reflection of two people I love dearly...myself and her dad.

However, I won't delude you into thinking everything is a ray of bliss over here. It is still taking me a minute to adjust to her. It's a weird thing and I don't feel it has any bearing on how I raise her at all. It's just odd that this little person looks like me and acts like me but...is so different...all at the same time. Sometimes I sit in amazement that she exists. I didn't think I could love someone more than I love her dad but there you have it. It's a totally different kind of love though.

I've always had problems sleeping since I was a kid but it's almost like I would sacrifice the rest of my sleep for my entire life to make sure she got one good night of rest. She isn't coping too well with the pollen here in Atlanta so her allergies are kicking her butt. She's been cranky...whiny...crying for 30 minutes at a time because she's hungry but can't breathe all that well from being stuffy...I felt so bad for her. I noticed something was a little "off" when her appetite dwindled down to eating almost nothing for 8 hours. She was noticeably tired and worn out but couldn't sleep because she was so congested. All she wanted to do was lean on my arm and hold her blanket. She even let her poody (pacifier) rest on her leg. Poody is usually popped in her mouth when she's tired.

I decided to do some reading while she was in this docile state. I picked Little Earthquakes out of my library and what do you know, it was a book about motherhood.

It has to be one of the best books I've read in a while.

While Babybottoms is going through her first bout with not feeling well, I'm going through the mommy blues. Her dad works hard every day to keep me cheered up but sometimes I'm just...overwhelmed. I'd rather sit and stare at the paint on the wall then do all that damn laundry...clean the bathroom...cook dinner...take a shower. So pathetic, right? Reading Little Earthquakes is helping me though...it's almost like these are the 4 women I need in my life, even though they're characters in a damn book. What they are going through, I'M EXPERIENCING TOO! Most of my friends are single and childless so they just don't...understand. No matter how well I try to articulate what I'm feeling, I can see it in their eyes, it's just something they can't relate to so it isn't really a concern. I usually end up getting that look of pity and I hate seeing that in their eyes.

It's tough turning into a different person over night because you have to...sometimes I just want to be around people who "get" that, right now. This is something that no matter how well I word it, you couldn't possibly understand until you give birth to a child.

I sat talking to my friend who has a son a few weeks older than Babybottoms and I just wanted to break down in tears when I was talking to her about wanting someone to understand...then I looked at her and she looked like her eyes were a little glassy too. This is all new to me...I've never been this vulnerable and helpless in my life and I don't know if I'm "doing it" right. It's just...tough sometimes.

That's all.

Stop Drinking the Koolaid. Please Wake Up.

2010-04-22T12:23:00.000-04:00

This post on tumblr pretty much conveys my feelings on the whole single black successful woman propaganda infecting folks minds...

http://serpico79.tumblr.com/post/540195957/wake-up-wake-the-fuck-up

Am I My Brothers Keeper? No, And I'll Tell You Why...

2010-04-19T01:09:00.000-04:00

If you are familiar with the story of Cain and Abel, you know that is where the brother's keeper phrase comes from. For those who aren't into bible stories...the story in a nutshell was Cain was always on that bullshat but Abel always did what was expected of him. Cain was a salty hater because everyone liked Abel more (God included). Due to Cain's ridiculous jealousy, he saw no room in the world for him and Abel so he mauled and killed his own brother....THEN tried to act like it was beneath his wretched ass to take the life of someone else. When confronted about his brothers whereabouts his response was "Am I my brothers keeper"? Just a grade A asshole...

Now, I get the point of looking out for your "brother"...but it wasn't like God asked Abel where Cain was. God knew all too well that Cain was a pain in the rectum. It was a test specifically for Cain and he failed.

So when I say I'm not my brothers keeper, please view me as Abel here. I'm just here doing what I got to do to keep a favorable position in life...however, my "brothers (sisters)" act like Cain, at times. How come when one African American/Black person behaves like a damn idiot, people subscribe to the belief that their actions speak for the entire culture of AA/Blacks? Cain's "retardation" was not a direct reflection of Abel and Abel's goodness did not speak for his sorry excuse of a brother.

Just because some half ass comedian, who happens to be AA/Black, is on Twitter starting trending topics about what constitutes a woman being raped, I do not have to take the frame of mind that HE ALONE set us back 100 years.

Just because some scuttlebutt trollop chose to create a blog where she tells everything about her raunchy ass sex life with celebrities, I don't have to embrace her foolishness as my own simply because we have the same heritage.

This is foolishness and I want no parts. In this instance, no, I am not my brother's keeper. I don't care if Rush Limbaugh wanted to do an entire segment on these two clowns. I WILL NOT stand up to defend them AT ALL. Their actions will continue to solicit negative attention, as well as, the "positive" attention they were seeking to garner in the first place. Want me to tell you how I REALLY feel?

I feel like ANYONE who PURPOSELY draws negative attention to themselves needs to be flogged until it sinks into their skull to act like they got some damn sense. SO...why is it that some of my fellow AA/Blacks will defend these morons if someone of another nationality comments on their fuckery? Why would you defend ANYONE who behaves like this? Their actions do not become okay because someone from a different ethnic background speaks out against them. Has it occurred to you that they are solely speaking about that persons actions and it has NOTHING to do with their skin color?

Yes, there are some ass clowns who will chime in BECAUSE it is AA/Black people acting like some damn idiots. I am not talking about them and their f*ckery; I'm speaking on people who aren't AA/Black and can SEE what is wrong with these folks behavior!

I will NEVER give the power to "undo" years of work by ALL the AA/Black people before me, to some morons who have no self-respect. You set yourself back when you do coon shat...not the entire "race". Please believe when Jeffrey Dahmer's crazy ass was going around murdering and chowing down on all those little AA/Black and Asian boys, the White community did NOT give him the power to speak for all of them. They hated his trifling tail, as any morally aware individual should. His actions ONLY spoke for himself.

AA/Black people, learn from that. When another AA/Black person is acting a clown, allow ANYONE who could possibly shame that clown into having sense, go for it. I'm all for shocking some sense into someone ESPECIALLY when I know "my people" like to take up for one another...even when we're being damn fools. There is a flip side to this though...

Don't be so intent on "your people" learning how to "act right" that you lump EVERYONE in that bunch. There are some people who do minor things and/or things that cannot be properly verified as being completely accurate and "my people" will band together to kill someones reputation. Don't forget that you are human too and make mistakes. The point is, leave these people alone to make the mistakes they are going to make in life. What they are doing is of no consequence to you UNLESS you are part of their shenanigans.

Learn from Abel's example...even though he got murked by that no-good, dusty, crusty Cain, he made sure HE was doing what was right. He wasn't so concerned with Cain's business that he forgot what he was supposed to be doing...minding his own business and making sure he stayed in a positive light with his family. He didn't allow Cain's actions to speak for him. Sometimes, we just need to mind our own business and let the fools hang themselves.

Everyone Communicates Few Connect by John C. Maxwell

2010-04-12T12:16:00.000-04:00

I'm part of a book program called BookSneeze. It allows me to keep up with my reading and share my opinion of the material I come across. If you want to participate just click here, read the guidelines and proceed if it's still something you're interested in. As I read and review books, I'll be posting them on my blog so if you're a reader (in addition to blogs), you'll be able to get some additional suggestions. I read a little bit of everything so pick and choose as you please! :)

There is no mistaking that if you want to connect and/or have had problems connecting while communicating this book will cure that problem. Even though the author is an "internationally-respected leadership expert, speaker, and author", he conveys his message in a humble manner. John C. Maxwell effortlessly explains how to effectively communicate. I was able to clearly decipher which areas I could improve to continue being a good communicator. There are plenty of times I've walked away from a situation or conversation feeling as though my point was not relayed in full; after reading and applying this book where necessary, I was able to acknowledge where my communication was more about myself and failed to be about who I was speaking with. I've always said that I hate when people talk at me versus to me and this book made it clear to identify why that is so. I would recommend this book to anyone who is striving to do better in their business and personal relationships. It will allow you to communicate on levels that you felt were impossible before. After reading this, no one has an excuse for not communicating to the best of their ability.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received Everyone Communicates Few Connect by John C. Maxwell free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Would You Trust A Public Cry For Help on Twitter?

2010-04-12T10:18:00.000-04:00

I only follow a few celebrities on Twitter and they aren't the typical choices for an African American/Black 30 year old woman. I find Ashton and Demi to be interesting people...I felt that way before I got on Twitter and when I read some of their tweets it was solidified that they're pretty solid people. You follow one, you're going to want to follow the other. The other "celebrity" is Roger Ebert. He's quite snarky...having cancer and losing his jaw definitely didn't affect his inner character.

So when you follow celebrities, you'll see a lot of things from the normies that come across as people being attention whores. For those of you who follow the more "popular" celebs, you know what I'm talking about....

Anyway, Demi Moore works closely with GEMGirls, a nonprofit organization that sheds light on prostitution of minors and child slavery. In a way, I feel like if Demi wasn't associated with this group a LOT of people would have no idea that there are predators out there seeking to turn our children into money. So it's a good thing...however, it gets weird when people do stuff like appeal to her big heart by threatening to commit suicide in her timeline.

Am I the only one that sounds freakishly odd to?

This tweet prompted me to read through her timeline:

"Thank you twitterverse for your help supporting someone in pain last night."

I didn't save the other tweet from the person threatening suicide but they were saying something similar to they wanted to commit suicide but they were sure no one would really care.

It bothers me that there are sick people out there who would use a social online network to share disturbing stuff like this. It comes across as an attention whore because these networks are not associated with any deep thought process or avenues to present in-depth knowledge. While there are plenty of people on the site that use it for a plethora of things, the majority of people are on here for some form of mindless entertainment. Tweets like "I'm going to kill myself", but written with a dreadful amount of seriousness to them are posted to get attention.

And that's exactly what this person did...they got the attention they wanted from someone who would otherwise be preoccupied with their own agenda on Twitter.

Not to say that anyone who ignored this sack of confused emotions has no heart but it was obvious (to me) that this person was TRYING to play on the emotions of others. I don't get it...

Suicide is never anything to joke about or play wolf with. If successful, you end up dead and instead of just your soul being tortured, family and friends that felt they were close to you will feel some kind of way about not seeing you mentally tortured in enough time to save you. If unsuccessful, you fill the minds of those surrounding you with the thoughts of when you'd try it again, if you'd want to be stopped, and would they be able to stop you in enough time. Basically, it isn't anything you'd want broadcasted on the internet.

I just don't get people sometimes...I guess this is me trying to attach logic to an otherwise illogical situation...

Kiely, Disney Is NEVER Calling You Again

2010-04-08T00:15:00.001-04:00

Babybottoms dad made a great point the other day...we were discussing trollop ass beezys who are exploiting their sexual antics for notoriety and fame. It segued into a conversation about watching viral crap and here was his point:

"Every time you click on something that is totally garbage, you are in fact contributing to that persons popularity. If they reach a million views and you're one of the people who HATED what you saw, you STILL helped them reach a million views."

There was no debating on the subject...he's right. Now, as much as I think/thought Kiely Williams video was a STD waiting to happen, I have no problem admitting I watched it. I wanted to see what the lil cheetah has been up to. Apparently nothing of notable mention. While I won't write about certain things I see on the internet that are just utter ridiculoscity *cough*KatStacks*cough*, I wanted to write about this because I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

How does one go from being a Cheetah girl to being a CheetahGirl (I'm not insinuating that she IS, I'm just saying, her behavior was reminiscent of such)?

I IMMEDIATELY became embarrassed for her entire family...the things she was saying? I'm 30 and I would NEVER record myself saying anything like that. Are there no bounds to the depravity these celebrities will venture off to? She did a complete 180 based on how she was marketed with 3LW and Cheetah Girls. If this was my relative I would light weight disown her until she created some type of retraction for allowing that video to be circulated. Her apology would have to be similar to this:

"I was kidnapped by pimps and forced to do that video after they shot me up full of heroin and threatened to kill my puppy and grandmother. Please don't judge me for loving my grandmother enough to demoralize myself. I have prayed to God for forgiveness and made my peace with the Lord. I will be attending therapy sessions until this is behind me."

If her apology doesn't sound similar to that, I'm banning her from my household. If Babybottoms EVER fixes her lips to say Cheetah anything, I'm making her watch Kiely's video and THEN I'm going to ask her if she wants to see the Cheetah Girls now. Cruel and unusual punishment? Maybe but highly effective in the end.

I can go on all night ripping this poor girl a new bunghole but I'll just end it with this...for everyone who thought Ke$ha was an abomination of youth, she's got nothing on Kiely. This is saying a lot from me; the first time I saw Ke$ha I felt like I could smell her hair, armpits, crotch, and feet through my computer screen.

As a token of my appreciation to Kiely for making me realize why I need to go purchase a chastity belt for Babybottoms, I will post her foolywang of a video for you to view. Maybe, and that's a stretch but maybe I'm being too hard on her. I'll let you decide....ALL comments are welcome...even if you disagree and you think this is some hot shit, in a good way.

Vote for Gemini Magazine

2010-04-05T12:00:00.000-04:00

I write a column called True Thoughts for an online publication called Gemini Magazine. It was nominated for Best Ezine of the Year for Fuller Figure Fashion Week 2010!!! I've voted already but I wanted to spread the word so you can vote too!

Click below to vote:

Vote for Gemini Magazine!!!

Your Actions Speak So Loudly, I Can't Hear Your Words

2010-04-04T11:53:00.000-04:00

This post is about communication, not Erykah Badu but I'm going to use her to support my statements.

Everyone has their own reasons for liking/disliking/thinking objectively about Erykah's recent "antics". It is my firm belief that this was not done to impress upon millions the need for self liberation. Logically, it can be said that she realizes in order to touch people, shock value is sometimes needed when you want to increase your fan base and actually sell your product. Her product happens to be music. While I do not believe being in your late 30s is old, the entertainment world does view it that way. The closer you get to 40, you better have some marketing ploy that will keep you relevant. Being almost 40 and having the body of a 21 year old Atlanta born and bred Georgia peach keeps her relevant...not the message of a revolutionary.

Notice how her actions were not fixated upon when she first entered shallow Hollywood. She created a fan base purely off of HER MESSAGES. She is one of many esoteric artist that you immediately feel there is more than meets the eye but as the years floated pass, she realized, that isn't enough if she wants to continue to make money to support her eccentric lifestyle. Remember, you're eccentric as long as you have money; once your bank account doesn't reflect some level of superiority, you just become that crazy woman spouting personal nonsense. I don't make the rules; this is the world we live in and how it operates. Hate it, not me.

Which brings me full circle to communication.

If you want a message received by the people, you must appeal to what they want. The numbers state that we live in a sex crazed society so what better way to get everyone's attention than with nudity?

It has been said that "What we say accounts for only 7 percent of what is believed. The way we say it accounts for 38 percent. What others see accounts for 55 percent". If we are to herald Miss Badu as someone of great intelligence, don't you think she knows this? I do because her video catered and targeted the 55 percent that mattered...this is what's keeping her relevant...her actions, NOT the 7 percent of fans/critics who got the message first.

My personal feelings/opinion on her video don't matter. However, it is interesting how she got people to think groupthink was something negative but we all knowingly or unknowingly participated in it on some level. Whether we verbally expressed how innovative we felt she was or how uncreative, yet business savvy she was...we were all guilty of groupthinking on the issue. So can we say her message even mattered? To a degree, I'm sure it does. There just shouldn't be this debate on how "deep" she was trying to be when she solely relied on her actions to do the job...NOT her message.

Does this translate into good communication? On some levels, yes, others, not really. It is all really based on everyone's agenda and what they sought to get out of the video. We are used to hearing and seeing the revolutionary Erykah Badu so THAT is EXACTLY what her fans were looking for when they watched Window Seat. Some fans don't allow room for simple marketing ploys to confuse them from their idolizing of their favorites but really...that's all the video amounted to...in my mind.

I'm a realistic fan and I learned early on that sometimes, when an artist is trying to achieve a certain level of fame, financial stability, and relevance, you MUST separate THEM from their music. If their music still inspires feelings in you that you had the first time you listened to them, they've communicated well enough to retain a fan. If you feel differently, as if you cannot relate anymore, they've lost some of their audience because 9 times out of 10, you aren't the only one lost on their seemingly new efforts.

Point is, when people are communicating, you can choose to ignore their actions to receive a message they MIGHT be sending or you can accept the reality that some actions DO speak louder than words.

In Desperate Need of Some ME Time

2010-04-02T23:10:00.000-04:00

Anyone who proclaims themselves to be a writer has a process. I don't care how small or large it is, they have to be in the mood and their environment must be conducive to what they want to get out on paper or the computer screen. So for another writer to say something as simple as "why don't you write at night", can rub you the wrong way if you know that isn't when all of your creativity flows.

I was told this earlier today and when I responded that I write better during the day I was met with a look of sarcasm, as if I was being unreasonable and should utilize my "wind down" time better. When I write, sometimes I get excited and this allows me to crank out even more material. Before I had the baby and when I lived on my own, I had a designated time every day that I would write. It was usually in the morning before my day started. This kept me on my toes and it also left room for me to do my reading later on in the day/evening.

Now? Not so much. When I have to stop writing to change a poop diaper, then getting screamed at because she wants to eat, and getting pulled on to play with her, disturbs my flow. After tending to her, I look up and realize I need to clean the kitchen, wash her clothes, tidy up the living room, buy groceries, and cook. What I was writing is no longer important...life has taken over.

During the day, I'm with my Babybottoms. She sucks up my creative time slot. I'm not upset with her at all; I just wish some folks would respect my process and if they're going to be helpful, allow me to do what I do best when I'm used to doing it. Is it really asking too much to be able to have some time to keep my writing up? I think with EVERYTHING I do daily, that's asking for peanuts when I could rightfully demand filet mignon.

I used to start out by opening a bottle of wine, cleaning my desk off, and not getting up until I either had to pee or the bottle was empty. If I was on a roll, I could easily go through 2-3 bottles and not be in the least bit inebriated. I have written some of my best stuff under the inspiration of Merlot, Shiraz, and Cabernet. Now that Babybottoms has entered the picture, it's more so a glass of water, a cup of coffee, and interruptions every 15 to 20 minutes. It seems I can't manage to get a full coherent thought out without being interrupted. Oh how I miss the old days....

I've started a tumblr account because the few minutes of time I have to get my thoughts out, I can quickly stamp them over there and move on. If it's something I want to expound on, I usually use Blogger to ramble further. It's just that...I no longer have ANY time for ME. My significant other doesn't look at it like that and of course he wouldn't...most men don't. I don't think he fully understands that mommy's need "breaks" too. When he wants to do something or has to go somewhere, he doesn't have to make sure the baby has someone to watch her; he doesn't have to prepare a diaper bag and make sure her toys and food are included. He doesn't get her cleaned up, hair combed, and dressed...I do 99% of the time. He can just grab his keys, kiss us both, and be off to take care of whatever he needs to get done. He doesn't worry about getting home so that the baby can be fed and put to sleep. He's free to leave as late as he wants and stay out as late as he pleases. The mommy in me knows I should get back home at a reasonable hour so I can start my day with Babybottoms all over.

For one weekend, I want him to know what it is like to WANT to do things and can't manage to finish them because a little person NEEDS his attention. Dads aren't really required to pay all that much attention to kids and while it isn't all that fair, such is life. I can deal with it...can I just get one day a week where I have time for me? Sheesh.

I'm sure once I get back to working outside the home, things will be different. Until then, I'll just pray one day he wakes up and understands, my life is VERY systematic now. In order for me to be a good mommy, I need balance. All "work" and no "play" is going to make Syn a crazy person in a minute...

Babybottoms: She Has Her Own Blog Now

2010-03-31T17:34:00.000-04:00

One of my friends suggested I "let" Babybottoms have her own blog. Me taking things literally of course, belted out that she can't read or write so there was no point in that. I said she could have one, if she wanted it, once she reached middle school. Since I stated it so matter-of-factly, there was no room for persuasion and my friend quickly let it go.

However, after seeing some trifling wench use Babybottoms name when referencing another persons child, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands.

You see, Babybottoms father and I wanted to call the baby something "it" would be familiar with so we wouldn't have to refer to her as "it" before we found out we were having a girl. He randomly just called "it" Babybottoms one day and it has stuck since. Even when we found out we were having a girl, we continued to call her Babybottoms. It wasn't until I realized about a month ago that if we didn't start calling her by her government name, she'd never respond to it until she knew better. So we alternate here and there so she'll answer to both.

We personalized it because it fits HER so well...so imagine my surprise when I stumble on someone who SUPPOSEDLY hates me, using it. I got livid. Maybe it's the mommy in me but I'm AWFULLY protective of that name because...well, it was my daughters name before I had chosen the one she'll be using on her resume. This person KNOWS that and I can recall an email conversation where she told me how much she liked it.

It makes my skin crawl knowing she uses it and yes, I might be overreacting but I don't care. It's mine.

It isn't like someone calling a kid something that is universally known like crumbsnatcher, beast of burden, kiddo, etc....you get it. WE made this and she's saying it all willy nilly like it can be ANY kids name...it isn't.

So my wheels quickly got to turning because I don't want this wench acting like she all of a sudden acquired a brain and came up with this on her own. Anyone who has been a regular reader of my blog for the past year KNOWS I've been using this for a LONG time. This is why I decided to "let" Babybottoms have a blog. Sort of putting my stamp of ownership on it since I WAS using it first.

So feel free to check in on Babybottoms here and at her new cyber home:

Babybottoms - It's Officially Me!

I believe she has one posting over there that briefly welcomes you into her world :)

Inspiration or Biting of Style? Hmmmm....

2010-03-28T01:06:00.000-04:00

"They" say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but to some people, it's an individual not being creative enough to come up with their own shit. Some people take the act of others imitating them serious. I can imagine this is why all those "rules" on plagiarism exist.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't see someone on Twitter talking about so and so biting such and such "style". Style is infused in rapping, singing, drawing, fashion, directing, and plenty of other areas. However, does the perspective change when an "artist" we stan for is involved? For me, it doesn't. If you copied something, you copied it. End of story. No explanations need to be given as to why. If you were inspired to imitate them, ok, but some people don't look at it like that and they will make it very clear. Does it bother me? Not really. I hear/see "inspiration" in a lot of my favorite artists. There are a select few who do feel flattered that you would duplicate their work, even adding a little piece of yourself so that it can be said that you did do SOMETHING a little different from them.

I'll be honest and say this...every time someone elses work is duplicated, it isn't always met with appreciation from others.

Below are two musical videos; one by Matt & Kim and one by Erykah Badu. There are minor differences, but for all intents and purposes, it is the same video. I will be candid and say, it was more of a pleasure to look at Erykah then them; I liked their ending better though. Enjoy!

Sorry, I Was Spammed

2010-03-27T23:29:00.000-04:00

I apologize for the earlier posting. It was spam. My Blogger account wasn't compromised but my GMail was. Something went out to all of the email addresses that were in my contacts. I have an email address specifically for this blog when I send something from my phone so that's why it posted as a blog. No matter how hard I try, the spam always seems to find a way through. Grrrr....

Why Men Cheat...According To Me

2010-03-25T22:07:00.000-04:00

I read a very interesting article in Esquire last night called "Why Men Cheat" and it was written from an honest male perspective. Even though it was his personal explanation for men's infidelity, it seemed to ring true for a lot of males I've come across in life. He basically gave any failed cheater a blueprint for the "proper" way to sneak around. In a nut shell, take care of home and never explore the options you've created for yourself in the state in which you live.

If you want to know more about his opinion, click the link above. If you want to know more about why I think men cheat, keep reading.

I have never subscribed to the belief that men cheat because women let them. The truth is, men can cheat and NEVER tell anyone they have a significant other. No one can have control of a situation if they think they're the only one. However, occasions where only the man knows what's going on is an entirely different level of fuckery. For all intents and purposes, let's assume that my explanation applies to men who cheat with women who know they are involved with someone else.

There is no point in pursuing a woman who isn't ready and willing to sleep with you. It requires too much time and emotional gaming when they have a wife or girlfriend already that they put mental energy into. Cheating usually feeds each individuals carnal, lust filled, base instincts. There really shouldn't be time for someone to get attached. It continues because both parties are willing. The minute someone suggests more, a problem will usually arise.

I have always felt that cheaters exert energy in their "real" relationships but move fluidly with those they cheat with. It's a rush you don't get anymore with your girlfriend/wife. There is no more chase; you've got her and it isn't that you don't "appreciate" her, you just know she isn't going anywhere because you've given her the life she's always wanted. As long as she's happy, you're happy. It doesn't matter that some of your contentment with life is tied up in a Baskin Robbins smorgasbord of vagina.

Because I say the above, never mistake that for me condoning cheating. I've been a cheater, cheated on, and cheated with. You have to retain a certain kind of thinking to constantly suck sexual energy from someone and pretend they have no emotions that could ever be directed towards you, other then wanting to screw your brains out. You don't realize how much energy you're exerting to actually be in retard "relationships" like this. Locking emotions away in an effort to continue selfishly "sleeping" with someone to suit your own purposes can become draining. Which is why I haven't participated in that kind of behavior in years. In the article with the male perspective he stated that saying "I love you" was more or less against the rules. Introducing emotion into something that you have convinced yourself is nothing but an orgasm on call creates problems. When men cheat, they don't want to ever feel like they are in a situation similar to what they go home to. It isn't fun anymore and it is no longer about mind blowing sex.

So it's on to the next one...

I know there are tons of women who feel that if you love them, you should NEVER cheat but I don't think men who are cheaters think of it like that. There is a part of them that wants to do the "normal" thing and have that companion by their side until death. However that other part that says you were created to procreate constantly eats at them when they are in a monogamous relationship. It isn't even that they want children running all over the place; it's the act itself that they can't seem to separate from their NEED pile and place into their WANT basket.

It is my opinion that men cheat because they never mastered the art of self-control over their original purpose for being.

In a way, generally speaking, I think women have it better off. Typically speaking, we aren't led by our loins; the cool part is we were created for the same reason as them. Emotionally, women tend to be able to deal with a lot more then men and since the general idea of cheating is purely sexual actions, it's easier for men to do it then women. Women will more readily leave their husband for another man then a man would leave his woman for another lady he's "only" sleeping with. I think it's largely due to the emotional connection she no longer has with her significant other; for men, I think they don't leave because they don't allow some romps in the hay with another woman to break their emotional hold they have with another woman. I do understand there are exceptions to the rule so this isn't to say there are NO MEN who don't operate as women when it comes to cheating...or vice versa.

I guess when it all comes down to it we can just blame it on men being from Mars and women being from Venus...

Dirty Sexy Money

2010-03-22T13:43:00.000-04:00

The way I feel about this show is similar to my feelings on Arrested Development...an awesome show that should have NEVER been cancelled. This show fell short by one season in comparison to Arrested Development and I still can't understand why. To be honest, I think it flew over the publics head. Television viewers would rather be entertained by idiot cartoons that walk a thin line on "sensitive" subjects then focus on intelligent programming. There are a lot of people who do not understand the inner workings of how people with money operate and really don't care to know because they're "broke". Many people apply the phrase "the root of all evil is money", forgetting, or just not knowing that the phrase is ACTUALLY, "the LOVE of money is the root of all evil". This show was proof of that statement.

The story was very engaging and gave me hope that there are still some quality writers out there. It was perfectly cast with individuals like Donald Sutherland, Blair Underwood, William Baldwin, Lucy Liu, and a host of other actors showcasing their skills in a manner that sucks you in every episode.

If you've ever wanted to get a concise picture of how the wealthy stay loaded with money, watch this show. It is more or less the blueprint of how to make things work to your advantage without PERSONALLY, getting your hands "dirty". Money is alluring and with a ton of it comes power. Even though the show is fictional, you can get a pretty good idea of how money runs the world by watching these rich people interact with each other like it's a game. On the other hand, the show emphasizes just how REAL these people are too. The general public tend to believe the misconception that money makes everything better; to a degree that is true, however, you can still have the same mental/emotional problems of someone who isn't so well off. As far as money "problems" go, it's shown that when these people have finance "issues", they're just as important as people who don't have ANY money and FAR more people are affected.

There are two seasons available and after watching them both, it seems as though they were abruptly stopped from even starting a third season to finish the story. I hope this show comes back or at the very least, they finish it and make it "straight to DVD". It kept me highly entertained and I'm sure it will open your eyes to how people with a lot of money can seemingly control a lot more than their own finances.

Both seasons are at Netflix and I believe season 1 is on Hulu and Fancast.

Dear Scums of the Earth...

2010-03-22T13:15:00.001-04:00

Dear Scums of the Earth,

I have been a faithful T-mobile customer for the last 4 years and a loyal Blackberry disciple for 3 and what has it gotten me? Not a damn thing but some headaches and lack of service. It used to mean something to say you owned a Blackberry. I looked at you as the superior smartphone. Now? Not so much since Team iPhone and Team Droid are putting you to shame with their prevailing functionality. I feel cheated because RIM devices are becoming the bottom of the barrel when it comes to all in one phones. I feel like I'm stuck in the retard box with the Palm Pre and it isn't fair. I don't want to be a retard *wiping tears*.

Due to this janky T-mobile contract they have continuously trapped me in, I'm stuck with them for another year and a half. I look at the contract fee I'd have to pay and I feel that money could be put to better use on my rapidly growing spawn, not a cellular phone service company that makes me pay 100% of my bill but only gives me 60-70% of service all of that time. Utter foolywang!

My gripe with T-mobile is that I'm EXPECTED to pay my entire bill but I have NEVER gotten service worthy of the exorbitant prices they bill me every month. How is this fair? Every time I call in with a technical problem, their first course of action is a Master Reset, as if THIS is the perfect solution to EVERY Blackberry problem. Well, I'm sick of it because it has yet to work. I understand that you train your employees to read from some script but we as the PAYING CUSTOMER deserve better from you.

After almost 4 months, you FINALLY escalate my issue to where I am speaking DIRECTLY with the manufacturer of my phone. I have to sit on the phone with them, troubleshooting for 3 hours before my problem even begins to look close to being solved. Waste of my valuable time.

T-mobile, I've had it with you. You sell a phone to the public that your company isn't fully familiar with. You never tell customers that it is better suited for someone who owns nothing but Microsoft operating computers because it isn't made to be compatible with MAC. While Microsoft owner's can easily download all of the software issued for Blackberry from T-mobile, MAC users have to go to Blackberry's website to get software to back up their phones. It becomes a headache when the people you hire aren't aware of this and proceed to treat the customer like they're retarded.

I would warn you to fix it but I really don't care at this point. T-mobile will be a thing of my past very soon. My Blackberry will become my child's new favorite toy. Currently deciding whether or not I want a Steve Jobs Special or Google's Monster....

Pearl the Landlord

2010-03-17T22:28:00.003-04:00

The Landlord from Will Ferrell

The Truth About Gabourey Sidibe

2010-03-17T21:39:00.001-04:00

The truth is, Hollywood is shallow and has been built on the backs of the bold and the beautiful since its beginning. People are expected to look a certain way. Even those who come into "showbiz" staunchly refusing to succumb to celebrity "standards" have somewhat "altered" their appearance to either be accepted into celeb society and/or adjust their appearance to excel farther with their careers. If you can't think of anyone quickly look at all neo-soul artists who want to reach a larger crowd of people; they have to make themselves appeal to that crowd, hence appearing less "flawed". You can even look at the actress/comedian Monique who has stated matter-of-factly that she LOVED being an overweight woman; however she too lost weight so that she can continue to live her life. As soon as she did, people who normally wouldn't have looked her way, did and as a result, she has traveled success roads that were not there before her weight loss. I didn't make the rules so don't shoot the messenger for what I have to say next.

Gabourey was typecast into a role that would have only been suitable for another overweight individual or someone who accepted the task of wearing a "fat suit". With that being said, think about any roles she would be "suitable" for playing in the future, if she chooses not to lose weight. Do keep in mind, this was her FIRST acting job ever in life so her resume is one film long. The general public is not going to believe a movie where the lead actor is someone like Laz Alonso and his love interest is Gabby, at her current size. This is why the movie Shallow Hal was created; it really does depict how a lot of people view overweight individuals. These "views" don't disappear because Gabby did a good job on her first role, in Precious.

I believe in having a healthy body so I would never attack someone who was larger than me assuming they are that way due to overeating. There are MANY reasons why someone could be overweight. However, being healthy should be a concern of anyone who takes care of themselves and wishes to live a substantially long life. All reasons aside for why Gabby is her size, I wish nothing but the best for her AND her health. Does Hollywood wish that for her? No. If they did, they wouldn't force women like Beyonce, who are prone to being larger than your average woman, to stay slim and trim. Hollywood is perfectly fine garnering all the attention they can for Gabby if it means more money in the bank for them. They aren't concerned if she drops dead unless it messes with their bottom line...how much they can make off of her.

Movies will continue to be created but I doubt anyone is going to script a role simply to suit the realistic appearance of Gabby. We'd do better assuming Tyler Perry and Oprah would take that task than to assume she is just going to get acting jobs left and right because she got an Oscar nod. It sucks and I wish we didn't live in such a shallow society but we do. In the midst of everyone being upset about a comedian making fun of her character in Precious, no one draws attention to the pictures that circulate in emails, IM's, MMS messages, and tweetphotos about large, dark skin women who aren't famous. For those who haven't seen what I am referring to, a picture of a large Black woman was circulating the internet and a lot of people laughed and joked about how ugly and disgusting she was.

Now that some people feel the same way about Gabby, it has become a problem. Why? Would you follow Gabby on Twitter if she had never had that part as Precious? Be honest with yourself first and I'm sure the answer would be no. People are attracted to the glitz and glam that celebrities provide them with. Celebrities and their clothing are fawned over day in and day out. The public and the paparazzi invade celebrities lives everyday demanding reasons for why they date who they are dating, if they really love the people they are married to/dating, if the lives they are leading are morally upstanding, as well as, whether or not they deserve any peace of mind for some bad decisions they've made. Is it fair to tell the public to mind their own business when it comes to Gabby? No. She chose to enter Hollywood so the rules don't change for her simply because she is overweight. She's getting the same treatment that is bestowed on everyone else the public is so eager to be nosey about.

Since she has expressed a healthy level of self-esteem I am positive she wouldn't want any "pity" attention from people. She wants to be appreciated for her acting skills, in regards to Hollywood. Making it seem as though everyone should "play nice" would be offering her a part of showbiz that doesn't exist. Again, I don't make these rules; the general public picks and chooses who they want to attack. They also herald those who they feel have paved a way for others who might not get an opportunity to be a celebrity otherwise. I wonder how many people are rooting for the woman who is PURPOSELY gaining weight so that she can be acknowledged in the Guinness Book of World Records for being 1,000 lbs. She's comfortable with who she is, has no problem being overweight and is seeking some form of celebrity status BECAUSE OF IT. Regardless of whether Gabby has intentions to lose weight or not, she is saying she wants people to accept her for who she is. The truth is, people either "feel sorry for her" or they talk about her.

I'm sure there are some people who are indifferent towards it all but the bottom line is...she's overweight and it is very noticeable so people talk about it. People are going to be bias, others are going to be mean. Is it fair? No, but if you want to get up in arms about how others talk ABOUT HER, just make sure that you don't talk about random nobodies who are overweight and not attractive to you. We won't discuss whether or not she is "beautiful" because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and subject to anyones opinion.

Moral of this blog: if you're going to go to bat for one overweight actress, remember all the other overweight people you could care less about. If Gabby never decided to become an actress you wouldn't give two shats about anything in relation to her and you'd probably be amongst the many people giggling and snickering about her if someone passed around a photo of her with a tiara on talking about she's Princess Biggie.

Babybottoms: Why Are You Awake????

2010-03-15T23:54:00.000-04:00

Babybottoms has turned into the perfect little self-soother. If what she wants isn't nearby and she can't drag herself across the couch, bed, or floor to get it, she'll grab whatever is closest that can do a similar job. I like that about my kid. As long as she can entertain herself, being on my lap is the furthest thing from her mind. However, when she gets sleepy, she turns into the terror of all terrors. She is one of those kids who WANTS to fall asleep badly BUT under her own conditions. If the "mood" is not set for her to fall asleep, she will be showing her ass.

She has to have her blanket, pacifier, and one of her monkeys nearby to rub on until she falls asleep. When she was fresh out the womb, she liked to cuddle to fall asleep. Somewhere in that fantastic little brain of hers, she has told herself she's a big girl and doesn't need me to fall asleep anymore. So when I try to cradle her I get full blown screams and flailing of arms like she's caught the holy ghost. Most times I'm left sitting there staring at her like, "Really? This is how we're gonna act because we don't wanna hug mommy?" I then fight the urge to toss her off my lap as she flaps about trying to scratch my face to pieces in an effort to break free of my mommy grasp.

This evening was no different, except daddy was putting her to sleep. He doesn't give her a chance to go into a full blown simian rage on him though. He's very methodical about everything. Get her before she gets you, is his motto. So at the first pouts of irritation, he's scooped her up and put her in the swing with her blanket, pacifier, and Buck (her meerkat she chokes to death). She's smiling and carrying on...out like a light within 5 minutes. I know that she isn't going to stay sleep in that swing ALL night so after a couple hours I pick her up to put her in the bassinet. When she's sleepy AND it's her bed time, she has NO problem going back to sleep so as soon as I laid her down, she did a semi-fuss which I've translated into "I want my blanket dammit", grabbed her pacifier, plugged her mouth and was back to sleep.

I usually check her diaper at 10 or midnight so she isn't sleeping in a pool of urine all night. She usually turns sideways to get away from the light while I change it and as soon as I button that onesie back up, she's back out. Tonight? Not so much.

I get this face while I'm changing her diaper:

This is not a problem because it's usually her way (in my mind) of saying, "thanks mommy for changing my diaper". However, it is a problem tonight because it's 10:30 pm and she KEEPS making this face. She proceeds to stretch and yawn...like she's waking up for the night. Oh hell and no. I don't get much free time and I REFUSE for her to rain on my parade right now. I go to put the covers back on her after the diaper change and she throws them off. Fine. I decide to tuck them in. She kicks them out and laughs about it. I retuck her, tell her sternly, "GO TO SLEEP" and turn the light off.

When I begin to hear loud, screeching monkey noises, I see that she has taken it upon herself to wake up. As soon as I turn the light on, I get this face:

This face usually is captured when she's trying to make a point with her screeching and carrying on. While you the reader might think this is cute, I'm not amused because I've been dealing with this face for a good 4 months now. Every time I yell, "GO TO SLEEP", she yells some code of screeching back that I'll never know what it means but it always makes me feel like she's talking back. I really don't want to be interrupted this evening so I tell her the lights going out in 2 seconds. It gets quiet. I use this time to take a pee break only to come back to her kicking the wall through the side of her bassinet.

Her dad is laying on the bed like, "why me" and I'm just looking at her like, "dearest spawn, stop being a banshee and GO TO SLEEP". After about 30 minutes of kicking the wall in protest and throwing the covers off, I hear silence. Thank God.

I'm trying to stay as quiet as possible so that she doesn't get the idea that this is a game. I've already caught her peeking out the side of the bassinet when I was "sleep", trying to get my attention so I could come get her. The key here is no eye contact...she'll be back to sleep in no time and I can finish my late night rendezvous with myself.

Water Bugs Are Disgusting, Much Like Roaches

2010-03-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

That nasty critter to the right is a water bug and in my mind, they are no different than cucarachas. I hate them and they make my skin feel nasty.

But before I get into this story about this killer water bug that attacked my humble abode, I must tell you what brought this to mind. I was reading Hyperbole and a Half's new posting, Spiders are Scary. It's Okay to Be Afraid of Them. You have to read her blog! It is hilarious and she draws ALL the pictures that accompany her postings. After reading about how spiders scare the living shat out of her, I was reminded of my households battle with the die hard water bug. We'll call him Big Baby Jesus... because he was just as terrifying as if the 2nd coming of Christ was occurring...or if Ol' Dirty Bastard was at your front door.

I am the designated bug killer in my house because Babybottoms dad is horrified of anything that has the ability to crawl on him. Sometimes I get my daily jollies by telling him there is a bug somewhere near him or on him so I can see him act like he's having an epileptic seizure (ATTN: I do not laugh at people who have REAL seizures...that's cruel). Living in Atlanta, these bugs can pop up just about anywhere. I used to call them roaches when I first moved here but was quickly corrected each time by a local...as if these nasty bugs are to be respected. I do my best to make sure there aren't any random pools of water near my doors, windows, or in the sink because I hate these kind of visitors, probably more than Babybottoms dad.

Babybottoms had to be about 2 months old and all 3 of us had fallen asleep on the couch. This was the most comfortable place for me to sleep because my c-section made it difficult to get in and out of my bed. So I'm laying there listening to my awesome little 2 month old snore in my armpit and her dad snore into his favorite blanket. Just as my eyes were shutting, Babybottoms dad jumps up, in the dark, yelling:

"OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT!"

He's wiping at his arms, legs, shoulders, face, and hair so fast that he starts looking like a blur. Of course this scares the living crap out of me so I jump up too...leaving the baby on the couch all by herself. I'm standing next to this scary clown and it hits me to ask what he's jumping around for and he says:

"SOMETHING WAS ON ME! I PROMISE! I FELT SOMETHING!"

I thought I had heard him drop his phone on the couch when he got up but he assured me it was whatever was crawling on him. I urged him to turn on the light and that 's when I remembered, I left the baby on the couch...with whatever else was lurking in the dark. I quickly ran over to grab her and the lights come on...

When I tell you that it was the biggest, blackest, ugliest water bug I'd ever seen in my life, PLEASE believe me! I screamed and of course Babybottoms dad followed suit. Imagine...2 grown people standing there screaming with an infant who is far too in love with her sleep to even be phased by our shenanigans. I know, this is ridiculous but you should have seen this mammoth sized bug!

It's 3 in the morning and we are on a mission to get this bug...and then it Speedy Gonzalez runs across the couch to the cracks and disappears. There is no way in hell I was EVER sitting on this couch, let alone sleeping on it again. Babybottoms dad took this grand opportunity to be all manly and protect us from the scary bug. Somehow Big Baby Jesus knew his death was imminent because every time Babybottoms dad got close, he would dash off again.

Within 5 minutes of me putting Babybottoms in the bedroom and washing my hands (these bugs make me feel dirty), he had flipped over both couches so that they were standing upright and had a can of something spraying the carpet talking about how he was gonna f*ck up this bug. I'm standing there looking stuck on stupid because I don't want this bug getting anywhere near the kitchen or bedroom. I ask what he's using and he says:

"IT SAYS THAT IT CAN KILL HIV GERMS SO ANYTHING THAT CAN KILL AIDS CAN DEFINITELY KILL THIS DAMN BUG"

Later on I look at the can and it is some kind of sanitizer for clippers. Babybottoms dad had to have used half the can getting this critter but finally it died. We put a cup over it in case Big Baby Jesus wanted to resurrect himself and jump on one of us. Thankfully that didn't happen.

Since we couldn't go back to sleep, I made tacos and we watched Blades of Glory. Babybottoms decided to wake up when she heard Will Ferrell drunkenly bellowing on the screen. We were fine afterwards but none of us slept on the couch again for a good month and that's a big thing, especially when Babybottoms dad thinks the couch is his bed.

True Feminism

2010-03-03T21:37:00.000-05:00

If you look up the definition of feminism, it says “the doctrine advocating social, political, and all the rights of women equal to those of men”. I support this movement 500% because I AM A WOMAN. However, I think there are a lot of women who call themselves feminist when it is convenient for them.

For anyone who wants to nitpick about the definition, don’t. It came out the dictionary and it will suffice. The dictionary works when you want to make people aware of the correct verb tense to use, the difference between worse and worst, and anything else you want corrected amongst others speech, grammar and spelling. So the dictionary will serve its purpose for this blog.

If women are to truly feel empowered and practice their feminism, they have to understand that they must maneuver like a man in a world full of AND ran by men. There is a line of hierarchy everywhere we turn in life. Someone has to be THE LEADER and it’s been designated as a man since the beginning of time. Is there a flaw in that system? Coming from a Christian household, I’d have to say if there was a flaw in that system, I’d have to admit God made a mistake. If you aren’t a Christian and believe in some other higher power, same rule applies. For everyone who doesn’t believe in that “higher being” stuff, ask yourself who designated men as THE LEADER in the first place? It’s something to think about…

I think it’s awesome for both men and women to exist as equals. However, I understand that would require millions of changes due to potential accusations of discrimination. The truth is, we weren’t built equal. Men’s bodies were built to do things women naturally aren’t inclined to do and vice versa. As a woman, I have no problem acknowledging that. Feminism was instituted so that women would have the same opportunities as men, IF we wanted them. Some women are perfectly fine being home, popping out kids, raising them, cooking dinner every night, and being a humble, submissive wife. Other women want to run Fortune 500 companies and “running” a family is not on their agenda. There is nothing wrong with either role but feminism makes sure that women will ALWAYS have the opportunity to do either one whenever they choose.

With that being said, if you are a woman who is a gung ho feminist when you’re a single woman but turn into a “pull my damn chair out and you better open my door” woman when you start dating, I have a problem with that. Do you pull chairs out for men? Do you open or even hold the door for men? Do you pay for dates, willingly? Do you approach men and tell them you’d like to take them out? Feminism isn’t about forcing others to see how womanly you are or can be. It isn’t about whipping men into being submissive to us either. It is about being proud of your feminine side while excelling in life as much as possible. Sitting on your ass waiting for anyone to hand you your ideal of happiness doesn’t fall under ANY type of movements, last I checked.

As a woman, you should feel empowered every morning you wake up and are able to go out and set a positive example for women. I know plenty of feminist that are married and in happy relationships. They are with men who understand what they are about. There is nothing wrong with wanting to date/marry a man who can provide for his family while you’re able to engage in your dreams. However, if your man wanted to engage in his dreams while you provided for the family, would you be able to do that? If we are fighting for equality, my question is why wouldn’t you be able to do it? When asking for things to be equal, sometimes it just won’t work in your favor but when it does, you can feel relieved enough to be proud you’re getting what you want.

I’ve said several times to my daughters father that I believe I was born in the wrong era because it seems like my generation wants so much from every one else but will only do so much themselves to get it. We (women) can’t expect others to make us feel empowered. It starts with yourself and when others see that you are leading such a life, they will respect your stance enough to acknowledge your “power” as a woman. I always try to maintain a fair outlook on most things because I understand at any given time things across the board can change causing the balance to lean in someone else’s favor.

So the next time you express that you are a feminist, make sure that you are upholding the true meaning of such a term. True feminists work hard to keep the ideal alive and doing contrary only helps destroy the overall idea of women’s empowerment.

(I am the author of this posting but it was originally posted on the Lady Bloggers Society blog; if you would like to see the comments over there, click here)

Babybottoms: Guess Who Got Their Ears Pierced?

2010-03-01T21:06:00.000-05:00

So I didn't really get her ears pierced to punish her for caterwauling at 5 in the morning every day. I got them pierced because isn't that what you're supposed to do with little girls?

Anyway, our day started out perfect. I dressed her up and as she got all excited to get in her car seat, I laid the news on her. It didn't upset her day; she was about to go for a ride in the truck and NOTHING could mess that up. We get to the mall and she's being a ham for everyone who walks up to the stroller. I didn't have to work at keeping her in a good mood. She had a fresh diaper, had just finished her bottle before we got in the truck and now she had more attention then she knew what to do with at the mall. Baby heaven is what she was in.

I will admit that it took me so long because I didn't want to go to Claire's or any other place similar. Teenagers piercing my beloved seeds ears? No. I worked in Claire's before...those girls aren't as clean as I would like them to be when dealing with such precious cargo. After some searching on the internet, I found a Piercing Pagoda. I was still a little iffy about taking her there because...teenagers seem to work at EVERY store in the damn mall. I took my chances and I was relieved to see two people working there that looked to be in their mid to late 20's.

After listening to the young lady replay a story about some mom who hadn't cleaned her daughters ears in a million ears, I knew I had the person I wanted. Babybottoms was giggling and cooing her life away in the stroller...unaware of the pinching sensation she was about to experience.

I was instructed to hold her arms together so she couldn't knock the piercing tool out of the ladys hand and I had to hold her head still as well. My child does not like being confined or restricted unless it is her choice so we got a few grunts of discontent. I let the lady know that she better hurry up because this kid is like a mini Incredible Hulk when it comes to strength. I watched her do the first ear and about near died in the chair. I'm by no means a punk but anytime Babybottoms gives me that "mommy, help me please" look, I just want to die...and kill whoever is making her produce that face. I was seconds from saying forget it before she did the second ear but I couldn't have my daughter looking like an ass clown with just one ear done. I closed my eyes when she got to the next ear.

Babybottoms is gangster, in case I haven't mentioned this before. When she got her first shots, she was more shocked than anything and her cries didn't last for more than 3 seconds. This was pretty much how it went with her next shots and this ear piercing situation. When she was younger though, I would apologize and try to kiss her and she'd just turn her face like I was a traitor. This always made me feel even more horrible but hey, you have to get your shots kiddo.

I asked her if she was okay after the piercing was all done and she turned around, tears still streaming down her face and screamed at me. If I was a Baby Whisperer, I'm sure the translation would have been, "No, bitch!" Everyone standing there watching laughed...at me. Babybottoms kept up this scream any time I would speak to her until we got to the car. It wasn't a continuous scream though. When I opened my mouth to say ANYTHING to her, she would scream AT ME. I almost wanted to take her back and get a second set of piercings just to show her who's boss...then I remembered she's 5 months old and I'm 30 years old.

So far, she's doing good. No screaming or protesting when it's time to clean them and she's been camera ready. I almost feel like she knows she has pierced ears because every angle she's giving me has her little stud(s) showing. However I did have a bit of a scare this morning.

I asked her dad to hold her while I went to get her solution to clean her ear and he yells:

"Syn, come here! Her ear is turned purple!"

The only thing I could think was how fast can I get my clothes on and get back to the mall so I could put my foot in that chick's ass for infecting my child. I rushed to get my robe on and flew out the bedroom only to get to Babybottoms and she's fine. What her dingbat daddy didn't recognize is that it was the ink that they mark your ear with when you get them pierced. I just sat there shaking my head...he was about to have me in jail for assault and battery over this child's damn ear.

I know she's my child and some of you might think I'm bias but I swear she got like 10 times cuter since she got her ears pierced. Not that she wasn't already a cutie pie :)

Are You Honest With Yourself?

2010-02-27T23:24:00.000-05:00

How many of you are willing to admit that something you are currently doing or have done in the past is stupid? I see and hear a LOT of people criticize others for the bad decisions they make in life but never step up to the plate and admit they've done some questionable things as well.

Not that this hasn't crossed my mind before but it was refreshed after reading two different blogs.

There is a young lady that writes about her life and she recently had a baby. In her blog, she admitted that she still smoked weed during her pregnancy. Now, while doing that is considered HIGHLY inappropriate to many people, she admitted to her fault not in an effort to brag on what she was doing but to state that she was trying to kick the habit but was having a bit of a struggle. She spoke to her doctor about it and she was taking it one day at a time.

I respected that young lady more than I do most people and I'll tell you why. Many people have a hard time admitting when they are wrong or when they've done something wrong because they don't want to look bad in the eyes of others. In my opinion, it says a lot about someone who can admit to their wrongs, even as they are trying to fix them. However, there were a couple people who commented on her blog, calling her names, and being rude. To tell her that it isn't the best for the baby is stating the obvious. I am sure she knows that.

There was another blog I read about Melanie Fiona's song "It Kills Me". 98% of the comments pretty much agreed that the lyrics are retarded and the total opposite of women's empowerment. The 2% who felt contrary...it could be easily seen that they make excuses for things they do.

I've ALWAYS had a great respect for people who acknowledge their idiocy and work towards improving themselves. I have respect for people who will admit to their moments of immaturity and if they are currently in one of those moments, not making excuses for why they are doing things. What I cannot stand is people who think they have to justify WHY they're doing something. If you know right from wrong, there is no need to justify why you're doing something wrong. When it all boils down, you're doing it because you want to. When you don't want to do it anymore, you will stop.

Instead, what I see and hear are a lot of people blaming their bad decisions on a situation and/or other people.

Just because you did something incredibly stupid at 21 that you would never do now that you are 31 doesn't change the fact that it was incredibly stupid. This is where I see the problem. When will people get it through their thick skulls that we're all humans and make mistakes? If your mistake happens to be stupid, oh well, build a bridge and get over it because that is life. I know I am not the only person that can admit I did some INCREDIBLY stupid stuff as an adult that I KNEW was stupid even when I was doing it. However, I did it then because I WANTED TO.

It is no different for any woman who can relate to that stupid ass Melanie Fiona song or who was in a relationship similar to the song in the past. You can read the lyrics but anyone reading them knows it's stupid to want to have babies with a man you KNOW doesn't give a rats colon about you. It has nothing to do with acquiring a certain level of maturity. It's stupid. If I decided to do it next year, guess what? I'd be stupid too. The rules don't change to suit my stupid purpose.

I wish there were more people who could be honest with themselves about their actions...

Babybottoms: If I Can't Sleep, You Can't Either

2010-02-27T09:13:00.000-05:00

I had a talk with Babybottoms when she was still kicking back in my womb. We discussed (yes, we, I wasn't talking to myself) that around 6 months, physical discipline would ensue. I didn't get a response back so I took that to be a sign of her agreeing.

She just turned 5 months today and I'm feeling like I need to move that agreement date to today.

The last time we talked about Babybottoms, she was counting sheep comfortably in her own sleeping quarters. We were all a happy family. I somewhat touched on how she is VERY gentle when dealing with her father's face but when it comes to mine....she acts like she's a cat and my face is the scratching post. This morning was ONLY different from other mornings because she was REALLY going out of her way to mess with me.

Around 5:45 am she started up with her "soft" sounds. Those are the sounds that if you are in a deep sleep, you'll never hear. When no one comes to get her, she switches from soft sounds to caterwauling. This will wake ANYONE up...except her father. I can only take so much of the sharp cat noises because I know after that comes the pig squealing and LOUD talking.

I got up around 6:15 and put her in the bed with me, thinking she was going to go right back to sleep. WRONG. I was mislead! She pretended as though she was going to go back to sleep and that lasted for all of 5 minutes before I felt two small hands caressing my face gently. I'm not use to this kind of nice treatment from her so I thought I had fallen back to sleep and I was dreaming.

That is until I felt 2 little fingers bumrush my nostrils. You're 5 months old...please tell me how you know how to stick fingers in my nose AND hook them so you can try to pull my damn nose off. The burn in my nose ALMOST made me want to pimp slap her. However, she IS only 5 months old. I vowed to save all pimp slapping for puberty.

After removing her fingers from my nose, I'm convinced she's going back to sleep only to feel two little hands try to open my mouth. WHY WON'T THIS KID GO BACK TO SLEEP???? SHEESH! I decide to open my eyes and she's smiling...as if she's won. Jokes on her because I AM NOT getting up. After I pry her strong little hands from my lips and put her in a vice grip hug, her eyes start to lower. I know now this is a trick. I figure since her eyes are closing, mine can too. WRONG.

My eyes hadn't been closed for no more than 1 second and she's starting to pull my eyelids open. It then becomes apparent that I am NOT going to get that extra hour of sleep I want. I finally decide to get up and she gets excited. I feel like I was abused but I'm not sure if it's safe to say that when it's a 5 month old who is the Abuser. I decide to change her diaper and she doesn't want to be still so I can close it.

I guess today is going to be "I do what I want Mommy" day.

I get the diaper on and closed. A small feat but since I was punked to get up, I feel as though I have accomplished SOMETHING this morning. I grab the old diaper and look down at this devious smiling face, only to see she has taken her diaper off. *sigh* I can't win today!

Even though this morning has been an utter loss for Team Mommy, I WILL get the last laugh. Guess who's getting their ears pierced today? BOO-YAH! IN YO FACE BABYBOTTOMS!!!

Babybottoms: The Adorable Menace

2010-02-25T08:00:00.001-05:00

I want to email or instant message EVERYONE who told me that letting Babybottoms sleep in the bed with me and her dad was going to be a BIG mistake. It would be a VERY simple and to the point email/IM:

"IN YO FACE"

That would sum up ALL the nay saying and advice that I should start as SOON as she came home, putting her in the crib/bassinet/etc. Anyone reading this who has a child or children is well aware of all the advice they got (most of the time unwanted) when they were pregnant. It borderlines rude most of the time because a lot of people can't fathom someone elses lil beast of burden being different from theirs. I said it then and I will say it now:

"my kid is MY KID and will act like herself, not your bad ass demon child"

Granted, there are some things that MOST babies will do similarly like cry their ass off because they are teething (Babybottoms does that), cry their ass off because they don't want poop or pee on them (Babybottoms does that), cry their ass off because they are hungry (Babybottoms does that too!!!)...you get the picture.

Sleeping by herself? She's NEVER really had a problem with this. Is that rare? I don't think so. I think some babies prefer to be with their parental units and others...they want their own space to move about freely. Since she was a newborn, she's been VERY adamant about whatever she wants, almost like she is DEMANDING things. She has recently started screaming/squealing at me like a pig when I'm moving too slow. Kids...

As for the sleeping thing, when she was fresh out the womb, she would fuss if I held her too close. Suffocation wasn't her thing. However, because she was still taking in her environment, she didn't want me too far from her...just not so close. As she got older, she got more vocal about me or her dad being in her space when it came to sleep time. She doesn't mind me putting her to sleep but it has to be in a certain manner and if I don't eventually put her down, she'll wake up with a look on her face that seems to read:

"WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU STILL HOLDING ME, WENCH? PUT ME DOWN!"

I hadn't been using her bassinet because it was in a totally different room from where we sleep. So she's been sleeping in between us in the bed. Enough was enough when she decided it was a good idea to sharpen her claws on my face...every morning. Who does this??? I cut her nails and she still tried to dig her fingers into my face to wake me up. I had enough of being punched in the eye while I tried to pretend to be sleep so she would go back to sleep. When Babybottoms wants something, she has no problem letting you know she isn't playing. She might as well yelled at me to get my ass up and get her breakfast because that is how treats me. While I was getting mauled by my child, she chooses to pat her father gingerly on the cheek, rub his hair, and attempt to snuggle with him in his favorite blanket.

Little girls are assholes.

Anyway, I got tired of being attacked so I kept annoying her dad to put the bassinet in the same room yesterday and he FINALLY does it. You couldn't tell her it was any different from the bed. She turned over on her side, clasped her hands together and went into dreamland. She slept there all night without so much as a peep. I still had the periodic yelps that mean "get your fat ass up and give me my paci because it's fallen out my mouth, mother" that her dad NEVER seems to hear. It was peace in our household and in our beds.

There was no fighting to get her to sleep and you want to know why? Because my child isn't an indecisive person. I suppose she gets that honestly. Once she decides something is to be...it's that way until I tell her to cut it out. Even then...she'll still stubbornly do what she wants. I know, she's ONLY 5 months but anyone who has kids or about to have one will tell you, some children's actions are VERY deliberate. What I have learned about her is that EVERYTHING is deliberate. If it was up to her, she probably would have been in that bassinet 4 months ago....

So in closing...all you meddlesome folks who want to appear to know my child better than me...take that. Worry about your own irritating spawn and let me attend to mine :)

I must tend to her now; she's doing that irritating pig squeal thing again...

To Be or Not To Be Married? That Is the Question...

2010-02-22T04:05:00.000-05:00

My parents would LOVE it if I married Babybottoms father and went on to live happily ever after. Only problem with that is...I'm more terrified of marriage than I was of giving birth. My father made a very good point about marriage when I told him it scares the living beejeezus out of me.

"It is definitely going to be something you work at every day, especially if it doesn't feel natural to you. When you decide to do it, you have to take one day at a time. Even though you have vows that signify you will be with this person until death separates you, try not to look at it like that and it won't be so scary. When you go to sleep at night, you aren't sure if you're going to wake up but you still allow yourself to fall asleep every night...same with a relationship; tomorrow, you don't know if it's going to be as great as you'd hoped but you keep moving forward."

My dad is a man who operates 90% of the time off of logic so THAT...made perfectly good sense.

(SIDEBAR: I've had insomnia since I was 12 yrs old so that analogy he used...not the best one for someone in my situation...but I get what he was saying)

However, ANYONE reading this knows, LOVE...doesn't necessarily operate on logic 90% of the time. I'll be honest and say love doesn't operate off logic half the time...it is mainly how you FEEL about the other person, NOT what you THINK of them. THIS is what makes the idea of marriage frightening to me. What if I wake up one morning and FEEL like my life is so far removed from where I wanted to be that I want out? Yes, that might seem like a negative view to have but these are my thoughts, especially when I see so MANY unhappy people. Hell, what if HE wakes up and says "this isn't at all what I thought I could deal with...I want out"?

I've often wondered, if marriage is SUCH a good institution, how come SO MANY people can't manage to honor it? How come so many people are getting divorced? How come so many people actually incorporate a divorce into their plans before they are even married? While I understand that my relationship consists only of me and the other person, it's difficult to grasp how good something is when all I see are the trials and tribulations of others.

It's almost like a ton of people buying a certain make and model of a vehicle and MOST of those people are having THE SAME problem, causing a recall to be issued. Yes, I just compared marriage to a car but my point is...if everyone appears to be having the same problems with their marriage, why would I want to "jump into" one? I most certainly wouldn't make a vehicle that had been recalled an option if I was looking to purchase a new car...

On the flip side of things, I can pick out many couples that are in their late 50's to 70's and they love each other unconditionally BUT will tell you QUICKLY that the MAJORITY of their marriage WAS NOT that way. So...in order to get the wedded bliss you think you are signing up for in the beginning, you have to wait until you've been with someone 40+ years? That doesn't seem like something I'd EVER want to sign up for and if I'm perfectly fine with my relationship the way it is now, why would I need to do anything more to solidify to others that he and I are together?

I think about these things EVERY time someone feels the need to ask me "so when are you getting married". It's too much pressure because even if I WANTED to get married today, Babybottoms father would have to WANT to get married too...him or anyone who was a potential "mate". I can't make ANYONE want to marry me and I don't want to feel obligated to take up vows because of a "situation". As much as I love Babybottoms father, I want THAT kind of love to resonate throughout our entire relationship, not just for the first few years of marriage and then I have hell for the next 10 years, and THEN we get back to happiness. My happiness is not to be bargained with and for me, 10 years of hell is not worth 15 years of happiness.

I don't expect or demand perfection in ANY of my relationships. However, I've always lived by the statement that "once my happiness is affected, it is time for me to go". That doesn't mean that if he doesn't make me tuna fish on rye, I'm going to huff and puff and blow his house down. It means that if we have consistent hardships that are genuinely affecting who I am as a person, something will need to be adjusted or I will have to do what is necessary to insure I stay in a happy and healthy mental place. I told him the same applies to him; if at any time he isn't happy anymore, he needs to leave. I've seen people stay together for the sake of the kids...doesn't mean they were happy. I prefer to leave things as they are...it isn't broken so I don't need to "fix" us by getting married...why does it seem like WE are the only people who understand this?

Then I get the question, "well, if he loves you SO much, why won't he marry you"...as I stated before, I would have to WANT to get married for that to happen. You can't just walk in the justice of peace by yourself and tell them, "look, I want to marry so and so; make it happen". That isn't how life works and anyone reading this knows that. We have discussed marriage and I am fine with the outcome of our conversation. We have mutual feelings about where we are and the direction our relationship is headed. No pressure is our motto.

*sigh*

Maybe if no one ever asks me "when are you getting married" again, I won't have to think about this....ever again. Big chance of that EVER happening...

The Age Old Argument

2010-02-17T12:26:00.000-05:00

According to some disgruntled darker skinned African American/Black women and one lighter skinned AA/Black woman named Joy Daily, the "Pretty Girls" video didn't have enough darker skinned AA/Black women. On various blogs, vlogs, tweets, Facebook statuses and such, many women stated that Wale should have had more Black women in his video. They expressed their disgust that many rappers choose to showcase non-Black and lighter skinned Black women instead of Black women.

I keep hearing "there are no Black women" in the videos. Here is the problem with that statement...it is obvious that their gripe is that there aren't enough representations of darker skinned Black women, NOT BLACK WOMEN. Isn't a lighter skinned BLACK woman still be a BLACK woman? Right...so ladies, let's be a little more specific with our rants and state clearly what your problem is ALL THE TIME.

Because I'm lumped in the "lighter skinned Black women" group some might feel I do not have the right to speak on this subject...to hell with that. If Joy Daily, a lighter skinned Black woman, can be the voice that lashes out at specific artists about a social issue, I can be the voice of clarity and reason. I am not seeking to be the Devil's Advocate of the situation because I do agree that Black women should be represented in the media/entertainment world. However, I believe ALL Black women should be represented...I'm not pushing harder for one side than the other. Some might say because I am of the lighter group, I can't talk and I don't understand...I say to hell with that too. I'm STILL a Black woman so I'll say what I want about the issue.

I hear and see such anger...I can understand how people shy away from the subject because addressing the reality of the situation and the REAL problem sometimes causes the anger to be misdirected. I understand how it does make sense that this "problem" reaches back to slavery. Lighter skinned slaves were "favored" over the darker ones. ALL UNDERSTANDABLE.

What I have a problem with is the dissension between people who are the same nationality. Just mentioning it sometimes will cause an obvious divide between a group of people who are ALREADY mistreated by other nationalities. So now, you not only have a problem with prejudice outside your nationality, you have it within as well. The truth is and will always be that you cannot expect a problem to be fixed outside of your "home" before you fix it inside.

When I wake up in the morning, I do not have a sense of self-entitlement because I'm of the lighter persuasion of Black people. Will someone dark skin accuse me of that at some point in life? Yes, and it has already happened. Why can't we just get along? I say that in all seriousness, all joking aside.

Look at other nationalities...do you think they are bickering and complaining amongst themselves about their skin tone? I'm not saying to sweep the issue under the rug; I'm saying we need to fix our "race relations" within our own "camp" before we start demanding outsiders need to fix it for us. When addressing matters of importance, we need to do so in a civil manner versus acting like we're going to whoop anyones ass who might have a difference in opinion on the issue.

There isn't too much more to say on the subject except...EVERYONE who had something negative to say about Wale, go watch "My Sweetie" and either shut the damn hell up or write another blog showering him with accolades for representing his darker sisters to the fullest.

End of rant.

P.S. - "Pretty Girls" and "My Sweetie" were released back to back so all the whining that occurred makes the whiner in question look absolutely ridiculous.